oof. being Conventionally Attractive must be like being the Gifted Kid. you have "so much potential" to live up to some generic-ass mainstream expectations!

but nobody ever tells you how to live up to those expectations (god damn what a perfect metaphor in that dream) and living up to your own desires is never considered an option.

🫂

You are appreciated,
You are seen,
You are worthy of love,
You are kind,
You are funny,
You are smart,
You share your knowledge and quips freely,
You give so much of yourself,
You have created and foster a community - a home for many that may not have one otherwise,
You are this and so, so much more

You are loved for who you are without any kind of toll requirement to be met. It is your heart and mind that did all these and so much more

a lot of is apparently had anxiety dreams overnight.

Mine woke up into an Anxiery attack.

I posted about it here.

On my walk the meaning of the dream became obvious.

The last of the anxiety dissolved away.

You’ll be ok if you aren’t already.

Wondering why though so many of us had these dreams overnight

My (uneducated) view on dreams is that a lot of the time they're not an indicator that something is wrong, but more of an indicator of anxiety that something is wrong. But then most of my life rn is characterized by anxiety. ymmv.

Smart people are the most attractive people, imo, and people who don't rate intelligence are the least attractive. But that's me, and I'm mostly asexual.

May I remind you that the vast majority of us has never seen your full face? Those of us who call you pretty on the internet mostly extrapolate from your taste and style. You'll keep those all your life even if (not when!) nature takes away your pretty face and smooth skin.

People might not call you "hot" anymore when you're 80 but they'll for sure say "damn, I wish I'll look like that when I get to your age", pointing at one of the coolest outfits ever seen on a retiree.

Anxiety dreams suck. Depression dreams also. They can really fuck up your day/week or whole outlook for sometime, how they weigh upon you when you wake.

I really don't think you lack substance in any way. In fact you are quite substantial, occupying the entire 3-dimensional space in which you inhabit. 🙃

#MemtalHealth

The human mind can behave in some odd ways. Here's Professor Bergman in Space:1999 talking about humans and their brain potential.

Any dreams with negativity should always be consigned to the trash heap.

You are beautiful, kind, loving and considerate. We need more people to be like you.

As Carla said in Captain Kronos: Vampire Hunter said, "Beauty fades eventually, but a kind soul remains forever."

"dreams are my brain's equivalent of DOS6 running defrag”

I absolutely love this description. I miss watching defrag! 😛

I only know you from reading your Mastodon posts, and the occasional interaction with you in the comments, but I can absolutely tell that you're a smart and lovely person with a lot of good inside of you, and that's special and amazing! And on top of that you're also pretty, btw 😉

People will always find something to be mean and insincere about, but it matters not. You are who you are, and no one can change that, no matter how much negativity they spew!

You're an awesome person, Alice 😊

I don't know if this useful or not, but sharing in case it is?

I went through a similar journey and although I don't remember anyone telling me that people only listened because I was attractive, I internalized that same message and scrutinized accomplishments to see if I could figure out if they were from that or not. I'm sorry you've experienced that too. It REALLY sucks.

Now at nearly 50, I am hitting that "plan B" part. People do react differently now that I'm older and in a bigger body. That's sometimes hard. But it's less in areas of accomplishment and more like ... "service people are less 'extra nice' to me" and random people hit on me less? (Which honestly I was never good at noticing.)

FWIW, looking back now, I see a whole host of intersections of my privilege (white, attractive, thin, young, cis, not poor, ...), and ALSO a lot of drag from misogyny that I didn't see when I was in it.

Tl;Dr? Society and competition is a total mindfuck, to be sure.

I just like you for who you are. I'm pretty simple like that. ​

Also that DOS reference ​

I woke myself up the other night with a stress dream about... getting enough sleep!

In the dream I was stressing about getting scheduled for something very early the following morning. It was late and I was having zero luck falling asleep. Needless to say, this particular dream was triggered by roughly those actual circumstances and the dream was effectively a self fulfilling prophecy. 🫩

Thanks brain, that was super helpful.

On a semi-related note, I met one of my girlfriend's relatives for the first time today. They seem nice enough, but in our couple hours or so of talking, they haven't asked me a single thing about myself. However, they did guess my age (they were a decade low, but 💁🏼‍♀️), and they did take me aside to tell me I was "very pretty" while I was in the kitchen.

They've also made several comments about me being on my phone when they've walked into the room, including asking if I was texting "one of my admirers". After like the fourth comment, I spoke up (loud enough for everyone nearby to hear), saying "this is a part of me that everyone in my life gets to accept—I know a lot of people, and I talk to them. I try to always prioritize people in the room, but—" and there they cut me off to say it wasn't a problem and that I'd been respectful so far.

I'm sure they only have the best intentions, but it does leave me with the impression that I'm a pleasant object to talk at.

Though credit where due, they haven't used feminine pronouns for me yet 👍