Thank you for sharing, Farah.

South Asian families have this toxic & unhealthy mixture, especially our parents', generation of clinging strongly to the traditions of the past regardless of how meaningful they may be today while similtaneously not wanting to be trapped in the poverty that many have been trapped in for generations. They somehow don't seem to think that those traditions were somewhat responsible for their poverty.

I don't know how prevalent casteism is in your community. It is extremely prevalent in the biological family I was born into. I have to take several deep breaths while typing this out as their awful energy pervades the room I am locked in and infects everything I read, listen to, and try to type out. They have nothing to offer the world but their fair-skin and their ignorance. Their labor is purchased only by the various brands of fair-skinned fascists around the world. I unfortunately happen to be dark-skinned. They are so ignorant and seem to believe so strongly that it were their extreme skill, talent, capability that got them to where they are, they can't seem to understand or connect with my suffering at all. Their delusion has left them severely underdeveloped mentally, emotionally, intellectually, and spiritually.

I was nearly dead in Singapura when we migrated out in 2005. The child abuse, sibling abuse, and abuse at the public schools had all but destroyed me – conveniently preserving the illusion of superiority of the Chinese Singaporeans, and the delusions of the fair-skinned casteists who were purchased as some advanced for. of slave. While I obtained admission into Computer Engineering, I knew something had gone wrong deeply. The casteists around me were and are still too inept and incompetent to be able to understand the truth. They celebrated at the offer letters as though I were going to an IIT, their only reference for any educational system. As casteists, they merely needed to practice subservience to the superiorized castes in order to achieve their illusion of success. I was actually trying to learn what it means to learn, understand what it means to understand. Such depth of approach towards knowledge for the purpose of participating meaningfully in the society around them means nothing to them, nor did it mean anything to the whites who were settled high upon a mountain range of genocides.

The doctors refused to treat all of the severe symptoms that had developed, many of them were casteists. They clearly expected and desired my death because that is what the Chinese and the whites desired. My demise would mean a lightening of their skintone, and thus increased proximity to white & Chinese fascists and greater wealth for continuing to practice casteism and little else.

I was depressed but that was a symptom of CSA and complete dehumanization by age 12. It wasn't treated until after I staged a peaceful, non-violent protest against the normalization of my dehumanization in November 2011. After the arrest, I experienced the worst suicidal experience in my life which prompted a visit to the ER and only then did they bother to treat my illnesses, but only those on the surface, which they themselves contributed to.

I left Computer Engineering after a few years. It was racist, colorist, casteist, and extremely skewed in terms of gender. It was a rapists' paradise. I had been continuing on in the Science faculty. After the arrest, the medication degraded my intellectual capabilities. While I could study somewhat, I could not thrive.

I left university without a degree. I attempted to educate myself, while also attempting to address my health myself. None of the jobs worked out because of unaddressed childhood trauma. Not working has allowed me to address the decades worth of unhealed wounds. I have not worked in nearly 4 years now. The casteist biofamily treats me as though I were already dead, they take all of the things I bought for myself without asking me and use it in their old house that they rent out on AirBNB. I don't see a cent of any of it, I have no idea what the family's finances are. They have treated me like a ‘kaamwala’ (a servant) and tried to train me for the role that someone from an inferiorized caste would have served in India.

I used to have nightmares about being trapped in primary school. Sometimes I would be a squirrel trying to climb away from the gates of the school. Sometimes I would be a small bird attempting to fly high enough to clear the walls of the school. It has taken a long time before I could even see the word Singapore without getting traumatized. I would experience trauma looking at the number plates of cars. There were so many forms of unaddressed, unhealed trauma that I was forced to live with in public that I can never look at my backwards, ignorant casteist biofamily ever again.

None of this should be a trauma dump. I have addressed my wounds, I am secure and safe. I value the health & wellbeing of others, even if we have never met in person. I am extremely grateful to be able to interact with anyone at all and not be strictly confined to the caste hovel/prison that the casteists, Zionists, Chinese and white fascsist consider as sufficient.

I can look back and discuss any part of it. It may not be pleasant for me or for anyone else, but it should no longer be traumatizing for anyone else who has addressed their own traumatic injuries. I certainly hope that this is the case.

I have processed my trauma, this is an extremely sad and disappointing story of a good, kind, and respectful child's best intentions getting thrown away because of the color of his skin. But it is also a story of victory, perserverance, struggle and peace. I required no violence at all to survive, recover, and heal.

I now believe that I was one of the targets of an advanced, modern genocide taking place in the supposedly developed countries of the world, specifically eugenics towards dark-skinned people.

I do not interact with the casteist biofamily anymore, even if I live in the same house as them, because they are merely a cesspool of mental, emotional, intellectual, and spiritual illnesses & diseases. They have not developed or matured internally beyond the age of 15. Their spirituality is merely ignorance, magical thinking, and trauma.

Healing from childhood trauma is so vital and important. Without this healing, we will never connect with our intact basic humanity as adults – prime targets to be played with as pets & toys by the fascists.

I highly recommend Patrick Teahan's Youtube channel, I have learned so much about the various forms of suffering I had been living with and was forced to normalize so that the casteists around me could have their convenient delusion reflected back at them.