Very well said. I've felt like that for a major part of my life. The first time I noticed that something must be really off and it's not just "me being whiny", was when I opened up to my former wife about how hard just about everything feels for me and that I just feel exhausted. She basically replied with: "I don't believe you, I don't see that."

I felt absolutely devastated but at the same time thought, how good must I be in hiding my problems? This isn't right. It took several more years from that point to find out that I'm autistic.

I don't know if you've had occasion or inclination to read my posts* about the ttrpg vampire clan Malkavian or not (about how I think they were meant to represent neurodivergence), but what you said about the mirror reminded me of it. This is because their clan symbol is a broken mirror. The reason is because the mirror is supposed to represent your self-image. But it's just an image, an illusion, there's nothing behind the mirror. So Malkavian wisdom says that in order to progress in life, you have to break the mirror, i.e. destroy your self image because it is holding you back from realizing and becoming who you really are. A truism I think for everyone, but it seems to be yet another way Malkavians make a good representation of neurodivergence.

*For reference: autistics.life/@murdoc/1144288…

Murdoc Addams 🧛🏻 🇨🇦

2025-04-30 20:30:10

I don't know how many in the autistic community have played the ttrpg called Vampire: The Masquerade, but I've had some interesting insights about the game since my self-realization that I'd like to share about it.

In the game, vampires are divided into clans, each with their own vampire powers, weaknesses, culture, outlook, and goals. For example the Brujah clan are known as rebels and strong fighters, while the Ventrue clan are aristocratic, manipulative, and like to be in charge.

One clan is called Malkavian, and the only thing that they all have in common is that they are all insane. It's even in the rules that you have a pick a mental illness that your character suffers from, such as being bipolar, or has multiple personalities. Other than that, they have the greatest diversity of any clan, and can look like anything, act like anything, have any goals, beliefs, etc.

But since learning about autism and neurodivergence, I've come to the belief that Malkavians were never about mental illness, but instead neurodivergence. They don't just suffer from their affliction and that's the sum of them. There's talk about how they are often regarded as seers, prophets, and oracles, that they see the truth of things that others do not. They often have trouble communicating these truths to other people, and often have trouble even understanding the social rules of "normal" vampire society. They sometimes feel as though they live in another reality altogether, but it is one that they all seem to share. Regardless of their near infinite diversity, they mostly seem to just "get" each other, can communicate more easily with each other, and even share ideas on a level not accessible to other vampires (called the "Malkavian Madness Network"). One of their vampire powers even lets them change their appearance, called "Mask of 1000 Faces", so "masking" is something many of them are familiar with. Another power of theirs gives them supernatural insight, such as seeing people's auras or reading their minds. Yet another ability is psychically making others ignore them, as though they were invisible. They often have to hide as a defense mechanism due to the abuse they receive from others for being different. They are often misunderstood, but when they aren't, they can make powerful allies.

There was a time when many people were getting upset because people played the Malkavians as silly, complaining that the players were not treating the subject of mental illness seriously. But like I said, I don't think that they were ever supposed to be about mental illness, but rather neurodiversity. I think that the creators of the game had a good grasp of the subject, but just didn't have the words we use today to classify it. The Malkavians are treated as mentally ill, even though they are just different, and the fact they actually have to have a mental illness according to the rules I think is just a reflection of how many of us suffer from mental illnesses *in addition* to our neurodivergence, not because of it.

All this would explain why I took to that clan the moment I first heard of them, and have been a big fan ever since. In addition to playing them in both tabletop and live games, I've written about them, from stories, to poems, songs, even had a website at one time. They've been a big part of me for a long time now, and now I think I know why. Also I wonder how many other people who have played Malkavians were also neurodivergent in real life.

#ActuallyAutistic #NeuroDiversity #neurodivergent @actuallyautistic

true, here some of our company explicitly forbid the usage of AI in any critical work until it's clear of AI rules (as copyright etc can be refused if done by AI).

It's not for nothing EU was the first in the world to regulate AI (and continue to regulate it).

In US if a rules suddently say AI cannot be copyrighted they are f*ck*d since it's already everywhere with no regulation at all.

on the other note, we like using AI to generate a picture like we want and after give it to an artist so he / she "see" what we want after that they do their magic, add their own touch to it.

reduce the number of try where we say it's not what we wanted by half, and we still have a full copyright ownership of the work while maintaining the work of human artist.

My GP handed me a piece of paper about their intent to use an AI scribe, about eight months ago. I read the paper, and noted that the concept of consent had not been mentioned. I said, "well, i guess as i haven't a 'NO' option, it'll have to be yes. Do i have a 'NO' option?"

She gave a big theatrical sigh (a 63-year-old woman!), and said yes, i could opt out. I indicated that i would do so. She said, a bit plaintively, "I just wanted to spend more time with my kids."

I said, "Respectfully, you are a doctor. You own your practice. If you want more time, make more time. You set the labour conditions here. And my opposition is twofold: 1) it doesn't work very well, and it makes up wrong information when it can't find an answer. 2) and you're giving away *my* data to train their planet-destroying magic eight-ball. Without compensation to me. You get "free" access to be their unpaid trainers and data providers, and they get my data, and the only person getting nothing is me."

Seeing i wasn't budging, and also a lack of useful rebuttal, she sighed again and got on with my appt.

I didn't mention to her the human job(s) she'd also destroyed in signing this "free" deal. Just a complete trainwreck of a decision. If i could reasonably get a new GP without spending far too long hunting up one who knows trans medicine, i'd be gone. I don't actually trust her judgement. She will probably get to using their "Doctor's Buddy" chatbot, to discuss my case with. I feel that is unfortunately likely, fr.

I don't know what it's realy called, but we all know it exists, to make helpful suggestions based on your private medical data it just ingested, and which she naively believes can be meaningfully anonymised for a small-population identity? Know my birthplace and my exact age, that i'm trans, my city, you can find my identity to match to my medical records (all online now) with your local data broker. I am an immigrant; my birthplace is likely unique here. Do the math.