I've known I have #ADHD since I was first diagnosed in high school, but sometimes I wonder if perhaps I might be somewhere on the #autism spectrum as well. Let me explain a thing that's going on right now to illustrate what I mean.
I have a canvas messenger bag. I've had it for years and love it. I keep my whole life organized in this bag. Everything has a place and I know exactly where everything is. Recently, one of the snaps that holds it closed gave out. Within a couple of days the second one went as well, so the bag just falls open, which is fine if I keep it upright, but is kind of a pain in the ass.
The place I got it from essentially has a lifetime guarantee. I'm sure I can trade it in for another "equivalent" bag, but I'm sure they won't have this exact one since it's been several years since I bought it. This causes me an enormous amount of anxiety, because the new bag will be different, and I won't just instinctively know where all its contents are (because the configuration of the internal pockets will likely be at least a little different). It's not just the act of replacing the bag, but knowing that it'll mess me up for weeks afterward too.
I feel like this dilemma could possibly be explained by ADHD alone, but I kind of wonder...
Does this resonate with anyone in the #ActuallyAutistic crowd? I am of course not looking for a formal diagnosis or anything. It's more of a curiosity.
like this
reshared this
A while ago I asked a question of the #ActuallyAutistic and #ADHD communities on my old Fosstodon account and got some pretty good feedback, so now that I'm back in my regular fedi home, I figured I'd do so again (as before, boosts welcome).
I find that when something is stressing me out, I'll obsess over it until I've either solved the problem or it overwhelms me to a point where I need to completely disengage (at least for a time). Often when this happens, loved ones will notice my distress and try to help in the form of asking questions or making suggestions. The problem is that if I'm in problem-solving mode it derails my train of thought, and if I'm in "disengage" mode it prevents me from... well, disengaging.
This frequently results in me responding in ways that are... unpleasant for all persons involved. I've identified this as a problem and am trying to find better ways of handling such situations, but it's easier said than done. Has anyone else experienced this? Are there any good strategies for dealing with it?
like this
reshared this
I find that when something is stressing me out, Iβll obsess over it until Iβve either solved the problem...
alas, the people i used to call my parents, dont get this AT ALL,
loved ones will notice my distress and try to help
psychopathic narcissistic mother, is my current best-fit theory, in absence of sense of distress in others, absence of concern for dire consequences, absence of introspection and in introspection's place is projecting...
tries to help sounds good... if only it were real and competent and attentive to the real needs, not the imagined one-size-fits-all inconveniences and harms.
even as i was being pushed into deepening burnout and suffering so immensely, i envied gregor samsa's lot, and they still persisted...
This frequently results in me responding in ways that areβ¦ unpleasant for all persons involved. Iβve identified this as a problem and am trying to find better ways of handling such situations, but itβs easier said than done. Has anyone else experienced this? Are there any good strategies for dealing with it?
yeah.
orion kelly's vids have been helping me the most with that.
youtube.com/@orionkelly/videos
"... all about validation for people with autism and their loved ones" or however he puts it.
Orion Kelly - That Autistic Guy
I'm Orion Kelly - That Autistic Guy, and Iβm all about providing validation and support for Autistic people and their loved ones. For more visit www.orionkelly.com.auYouTube
Aaron Lord
in reply to Jonathan Lamothe • • •Sensitive content
Jonathan Lamothe
in reply to Aaron Lord • •Ari 2 Sheds Jackson
in reply to Jonathan Lamothe • • •100% resonance here! When I have a good bag, and I know where all my things are in it, it is very difficult to switch.
Are the snaps something that a skilled sewer could possibly replace?
You could still go look at the bag that you might replace it with, and if you didn't like it, you could try to find something you like. I know that takes a lot of spoons, though. All my best!
Eric
in reply to Ari 2 Sheds Jackson • • •Yes the strong attachment to something like that, and the anxiety that comes with might having to replace it both resonate.
If you want to look into autism a little more, you can try some of the self tests at embrace-autism.com/
For the bag, check out if there is a repair cafe near you to see if the can help.
repaircafe.org/en/
Or if you have a sewer or leatherworking friend, they might be able to replace the snaps.
Repair CafΓ© - Fix Your Broken Items
RepaircafeJonathan Lamothe
in reply to Eric • •Jonathan Lamothe
in reply to Ari 2 Sheds Jackson • •@AriSunDog, Spooky Version! I imagine they'd be difficult to replace. It's a canvas bag, but the snaps are behind a thick leather backing that would probably need to be unstitched from the canvas first.
Honestly, if it could be repaired, I would 100% prefer that option, especially since apart from the snaps, the bag is in otherwise excellent condition. It's impressively well made.
Karl Schultheisz
in reply to Jonathan Lamothe • • •Sensitive content
Take a look at the table on this page: embrace-autism.com/an-introducβ¦
I think systems of organization are hard-won among people with ADHD. It makes sense that you'd be anxious about changing it. I identify as autistic + ADHD. If I had to switch from a digital calendar to paper, I'd be really anxious.
An introduction to AuDHD
Dr. Debra Bercovici PhD (Embrace Autism)Mer-fOKxTOwl
in reply to Karl Schultheisz • • •Sensitive content
@kdsch wanted to recommend embrace-autism and their AuDHD resources too.
Its not that unlikely, given that there is a big overlap between the 2 (in the 20-80% depending on study and "direction") that scientists are only unveiling since 2013, cause before then it was thought (by diagnostics manuals) that both were mutually exclusive.
probably all data we have from before 2013 is a mush of both cause studies were not accounting for AuDHD and thus biased.
Jonathan Lamothe
in reply to Karl Schultheisz • •Kevin Davy
in reply to Jonathan Lamothe • • •Sensitive content
If you're interested. What tipped me to the adhd was the amount of work I'd put in over the years to compensating and dealing with it, without realising that was what I was doing, of course. But, I realised that I wouldn't have done this, if I hadn't had the problems to deal with.
Jonathan Lamothe likes this.
Jonathan Lamothe
in reply to Kevin Davy • •@Kevin Davy It does make some sense from an ADHD standpoint as well. I get protective of my routines for a very pragmatic reason. The more I can leave to muscle memory, the more mental bandwidth I have available to more important things, and the less likely I am to forget some other important thing as a result.
This seems to go beyond that though. It's produced a rather visceral reaction in me that I don't feel I can fully explain by this alone, and it's by no means an isolated incident.
Kevin Davy
in reply to Jonathan Lamothe • • •Sensitive content
Jonathan Lamothe
in reply to Kevin Davy • •@Kevin Davy So, I can't go into too much detail here because it's about a parent rather than myself, but something you just said there just made a thousand watt bulb go off in my head.
Now I just need to figure out what to do with that information.
Kevin Davy
in reply to Jonathan Lamothe • • •Sensitive content
Adam Hunt
in reply to Jonathan Lamothe • • •One symptom of ASD is "resistance to changes in routine"
en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Autism
Jonathan Lamothe likes this.
Jonathan Lamothe
Unknown parent • •Jonathan Lamothe
Unknown parent • •Diligent Circle δΈΈ
in reply to Jonathan Lamothe • • •Sensitive content
Just so you know, the ActuallyAutistic hashtag is a matter of self-identification. It's nothing to do with "formal" diagnosis or gate-keeping. It was invented in response to allistic parents of autistic children using hashtags like "autism" and "autistic" to elevate their own voices above actually autistic voices. Using the ActuallyAutistic hashtag means "I am autistic and I will speak for myself as an autistic person". The way you used it, the AskingAutistics hashtag would have technically been a better fit.
That being said, if you feel like you identify with the autistic experience, you don't need an external diagnosis or validation to prove that. Self-diagnosis is just as valid as any "formal" diagnosis, and doesn't make you any less autistic than someone who did get a "formal" diagnosis.
Jonathan Lamothe
in reply to Diligent Circle δΈΈ • •@Diligent Circle δΈΈ Good to know. I was unaware of the other hashtag. Thanks for bringing it to my attention.
As for how I identify, I guess my answer is... I don't really know. I have however learned a lot from the autistic community on the fedi, and am grateful for that regardless of my status.
Digit
in reply to Jonathan Lamothe • • •audhd here.