Been having some weird symptoms for like a week now. My casual resesrch reveals that it's in all likelihood nothing serious, but potentially not.
It's been going on for long enough that I should probably discuss it with my doctor, but I really don't want to because I know he'll use it as an excuse to take me off #ADHD meds again.
I'll probably wait until I've got my prescription refilled first.
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But then the boss would have fewer people to manage, and be unable to justify his job. Most software changes are about employment for engineers, not necessity. Grr.
As a software engineer I want computer languages and frameworks that stay stable for decades rather than have a new release every year that obsoletes old programs and requires a rewrite. But I don't get to have that 🙁.
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@Badtux the Snarky Penguin @Eniko Fox I actually had to re-write large chunks of a program I wrote for a client because Haskell's ncurses wrapper just kind of... stopped being a thing.
Fortunately, I never liked ncurses to begin with and had abstracted much of it away. The code I'd written was fairly easy to retrofit into brick instead.
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I'm genuinely considering starting l collection of Android apps with the ethos off "The UI does! Not! Fucking! Change!"
Any feature additions are purely optional and of be default
No nag screens to promote the new stuff
Product: What's this ticket for, this one you're working on, it doesn't seen to be delivering any new feature? Why are we doing it?
Devs: It lets us delete a couple of thousand lines of no-longer-used code. Which will then no longer need to be maintained, tested, documented, ect ect.
Product: Great! That's what we like to hear!
Hear hear! 👏
I'm pretty tired of downloading some 100 MB every week for Signal desktop for minor changes. And did you see how the changelog in /usr/share/doc looks like for Signal-desktop on Linux each time ? Yeah, whatever, Signal! 🤬 #signal
Currently, my favourite app is Out-Run, and I think it's basically been abandoned by the developer.
apps.apple.com/ie/app/out-run/…
(Yes, that's probably not great for security vulnerability reasons.. 😬)
Download Out-Run by Tim Fraedrich on the App Store. See screenshots, ratings and reviews, user tips and more games like Out-Run.App Store
@Meyerweb first place to start is avoiding tracking, because those are bigger, have more updates and have more code.
The challenging part is convincing your government and bank to do the same so you can still use their services.
I want small chunks of well-specified code with machine supported proofs so I can be certain of my program's actual behavior across its whole domain.
I should probably just learn Ada/SPARK or Idris already.
I would like fewer apps, please. More websites that function as apps.
This applies specifically to mobile use. For desktop, let me download everything.
posts on mastodon can't blow up they said
mastodon has low engagement they said
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@pouncy_panda eh, that one's a bit different from mine so i wouldn't jump to conclusions
though even if someone copied it verbatim, in this case i'd probably just be happy to see this thought spreading further
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I think the follow-up makes it clear: donotsta.re/objects/762c34a4-2…
It's a restatement.
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You know that short rant about “I want games with worse graphics and I’m not even kidding“? I want that except for all software.Anthony Sorace (pdx.social)
so do i. what you're describing sounds a lot like the unix philosophy. (do one thing and do it well)
i'm in the same boat as a lot of windows users rn. i want to switch to BSD, but i need linux for video games
The general rule of thumb seems to be: The further you go back in time, the better the products, be they online or offline.
All courtesy of the fucked-up neoliberal capitalism that's festering across the whole world.
I agree. Applications shouldn't be small small, but just have one topic around them.
I don't need to micro manage everything but I dont want wechat like mega apps
this sounds exactly like my kinda job 
(well except the paid part)
*Looks at my projects which have an update every few months with few features*
the concept, way back, was The Subroutine, a compact self-contained and hopefully tested thing with inputs and outputs, as had happened in Electronics shortly before where an ocean of incompatible constructs became IC's with standard values, infinitely combine-able. This was the notion in Unix, a tinker-toy toolbox, programmable LEGO, but the tech for all this pipeworks was too much for the early home computers, so you got MSDOS instead, and MS lock-ins on "compatible components" (for your security of course)
Linux then brought the clunky unix mindset to the PC, but quickly fell into copying The Everything App like the Big Boys, trademark logos, t-shirts, booth-babes, their difference was at least they intended to be 'interoperable' between these apps, like the MS or IOS consoles, but it was still between monolithic EverythingBut Apps.
How nice it would be to have one (favourite) editor you know backwards and forwards and EVERY textbox you see uses it, not WordStar ☺️
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I want to buy software on CD with nice packaging and printed manual.
I want to go back to an era where you buy one release of a piece of software and can use it forever, and updates are another boxset with new features released two years later.
I want software to be tested by an actual QA department, and manuals and CHM help files to be created by technical writers that get paid as much if not more than the developers.
Many of my apps are small enough to fit on a 1.44 MB floppy diskwww.gingerbeardman.com
The best commits are the ones with more - than +.
I know that's a tangent to your point, I just find it satisfying.
Finally broke down and got a new mattress. Upon unboxing I noticed that the dessicant packs included did not say "do not eat". Does this mean they're edible?
Only one way to find out. 🙃
"What's the matter, Jimmy? You've barely eaten your world."
"It just takes some time, okay?"
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"She reads my mind, but I'll videotape her when she doesn't know it."
How does that work, exactly?
Because of course my first instinct would be to poke it with a stick...
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Sooo... #Emacs's awk-mode really doesn't like it when I do something like this /[^]]/.
It confuses the hell out of the auto-indentation.
So I have an older netbook-esque laptop currently running Windows 10, and I'm sure it's not upgradeable. I've toyed with the idea of slapping #Debian on it to give it new life, but I've also been thinking about giving #BSD a go. Were I to do the latter, which BSD would the fedi recommend for an underpowered machine?
CC: @silverwizard
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Watching the live Epstein survivors' testimonies right now.
The system didn't fail these 1000+ girls.
Trafficking these girls *was* the system.
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Wexner and Clinton both named Rothschilds under oath. Epstein was managing Rothschild money from the start of his shady dealings.
Lock up the rich slavers!
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@gkrnours @burnoutqueen @Fragarach
It takes a network of powerful men to <i>sustain</i> that trafficking. Epstein is but one.
It takes a network of rich clients to <i>require</i> that trafficking. The former Prince is but one.
They're all still out there. They're still being protected.
There are more victims.
Predators only stop when they are forced to stop.
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This was posted by mint yesterday...
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"When the people who built and operated your cloud would rather knead dough than touch a terminal again, that’s not a career pivot. That’s a trauma response."
seuros.com/blog/aws-fired-the-…
The enshittification escalates...
I walked away from tech almost four years ago with a case of burnout you could see from space.
The intervening three years have only made me more grateful that I left when I did.
(I wish all my friends and colleagues still chained to the oars had my opportunity.)
Remember Tarus Balog, the AWS employee who rescued my deleted account when nobody else would? AWS just fired him. His proudest accomplishment in four years was saving my data. Leadership didn't care. The finale of a trilogy nobody asked for.Abdelkader Boudih (Seuros Blog)
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Very nice post about #humanity in the age of #AI and the #Inhumanity of #AWS #Amazon and #Corporations generally.
infosec.exchange/@llorenzin/11…
"When the people who built and operated your cloud would rather knead dough than touch a terminal again, that’s not a career pivot. That’s a trauma response."seuros.com/blog/aws-fired-the-…
The enshittification escalates...
I walked away from tech almost four years ago with a case of burnout you could see from space.
The intervening three years have only made me more grateful that I left when I did.
(I wish all my friends and colleagues still chained to the oars had my opportunity.)
AWS Fired the One Employee Who Gave a Damn
Remember Tarus Balog, the AWS employee who rescued my deleted account when nobody else would? AWS just fired him. His proudest accomplishment in four years was saving my data. Leadership didn't care. The finale of a trilogy nobody asked for.Abdelkader Boudih (Seuros Blog)
I haven't done one of these in a while, so here goes!
Hey #Women, #LGBTQ+ and #BIPoC folx! Are you an expert in something? Do you have a fancy degree or a lot of experience in some field/hobby? Do you like to infodump about it? Then out yourself in the replies below!
I'll start. Hi 👋 I'm Alice. I'm multi-queer (pan/bisexual and nonbinary). I'm an expert lockpicker and data scientist, and I have an education in computer science, psychology, and statistics.
Your turn 😊
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I wish I was half as interesting as you. I'm a woman with two engineering degrees who couldn't figure out why nobody was listening to us technical people so I ditched that and did a PhD in communication and studied why nobody listened to doctors and scientists during a pandemic.
So now I'm an expert in why people ignore good scientific information but still have little clue on how to overcome this without a boatload of money and the overthrow of the oligarchy.
Hey, I'm Celeste, a non-binary/trans* computer toucher who is studying computer science. I'm not really an expert in anything but I've been building a home lab for the last 8 years that is starting to fill up my basement and my office. It's a glorious, well-optimized mess.
I've started programming with the age of 7, am proficient in 8 programming languages, and started home-labbing long before I started studying. I had a lot of time between finishing my high school degree and starting at university during the pandemic to learn math, writing good code, self-hosting, networking, security, etc.
(Don't ask me about my home lab, unless you are prepared for a 6h presentation)
I have worked at a data center before as a (junior) system integrator and just started my first real IT job at a startup, which is building a software solution for managing and monitoring complex IT infrastructures using, graphs, and "AI"™
I'm mostly old, turned 80. I'm becoming knowledgeable about arthritic knees, and bruises from blood thinners.
I'm trained in physics, math, computer science, and I've a dusty old MBA diploma somewhere.
My driving interest since I was a kid is astronomy, and I still study it most days.
I am Luqa, or Lucas (Lucaas), or Luke, or whatever name people call me. My reputation as a trans man is just one of the many ways that people see me. Gender is less central to my own existence these days, and more of a reflection that others see in my mirror, and is about the viewer. 🪞
I am discovering more and more about myself than just that I'm a 48 year old mother, grandpa, writer, and activist who had a fine career writing code as a software engineer, who had a long & scary trauma path to arrive here and Now to recognize my own Self in the mirror.
My expertise is related to peace, though I only discovered inner peace even existed 6 months ago - I thought peace was from external sources. It turns out that CPTSD symptoms can become quieter, and I have recently had the privilege of helping others reclaim their imagination from the pain of nightmares induced by the world around us, and the messages we have internalized about our Self, our inner identity. I had only glimpsed hints that this idea might not be a myth, before that.
I have set about learning more about the myriad of paths to inner peace through a healing journey, so that I can help enable others to find this same feeling that I have. It turns out, that most of the people in my world reexperience their trauma on a near constant basis, like I used to. So I get to live my childhood dreams of being a Unicorn that influences the world for good by spreading joy and peace to those who ask for my guidance.
I recently set into motion my plans to expand this healing work, in ways that align with my cognitive and physical disability needs (TBI, EDS, POTS, 20+ more 🧠🦓), and my desire to travel, *without* needing to try to capitalize on this freely offered gift of cooperative emotional labor.
I am currently weighing the benefits of becoming a mushroom guide, and what that will mean for my future. 🍄🦄
#AMA
Hi, I'm Clara, and I have finally come to accept that I will never be an expert at anything, not nearly to the extent that other people are, but what I do bring to the table are opinions on technology, some humor, and that one YouTube video where I am very clearly not confident about what kind of relationship I want.
Also, I am like a truffle hunting pig for a random facts.
Hi! I'll join the newbies on this novel-length thread. I'm Willow, "multi-queer," with a PhD in Lit, primarily focused on theater and poetry of the Renaissance/ early modern period. I'm currently teaching a summer writing course on performance theory. I'm not as expert on Women & Gender Studies/ queer theory as I'd like, but I taught a course on bodies a year ago and how they disrupt traditional categories, examining discourse and lit around queer bodies all the way from ancient Greece to #GretchenFelkerMartin
I'm also a sometimes poet/writer, a ttrpg DM, a historical linguistics and conlang nerd, and an amateur mushroom hunter and forager (though nothing like an expert). My gf and I are also pretty expert in movies from the 30s through 50s, from the awe-inspiring to the awful! (Shout out to my recent terrible idea to do "the wives of Cary Grant" double feature: Dream Wife and My Favorite Wife... do not watch!)
@raphaelmorgan Oh, great question. You can retain your expertise on the vinification side of things: the science of growing grapes and making wine.
The other side is keeping up with the current number and quality of wine houses, and each vintage for each region. Only with this continuous knowledge can you say, for instance, that Paul Hobbs is currently the best California Cabernet. (Is it now? Who knows?) Weather can ruin a whole harvest. Wineries, especially in California, often go broke, and you have to change your recommendations accordingly.
Also, you need a sharp memory to keep it all in your head, including updated information. At the same time (in fine dining) I had to keep up with the latest buzz on small batch bourbons and single malt scotches and whatever trends were hot, like more potato-sourced vodka than grain-sourced.
Hi! I'm Emri!
I'm agender and pan
I'm a nurse and super passionate about supporting and teaching health literacy in the general public (God knows we need it)
That's my only "professional" info dump topic.
Nonprofessional topics are crochet and pokemon:)
I'm a plain old White cis woman.
My areas of expertise are cats, writing for comics, writing for animation, writing for games, fantasy & sf.
Hi! I'm a bisexual trans woman, I've got a PhD in compilation and I'm an expert in dynamic binary modification and memory safety related stuff. I did all my shenanigans in Rust and I'm knowledgeable in most mainstream languages from system to web.
Speaking of language I'm also a polyglot, fluent in French and English, solid intermediate in Portuguese and Norwegian. I also have good foundations in German, Italian, Japanese and Russian. Each time you complain I learn a new language.
Don't ask about jellyfishes, for your own safety 🪼
I'm trying to find an interesting remote job in compilation related stuff and escape the consulting hell
Don't ask about jellyfishes, for your own safety
I haven't contributed to this thread because I'm not the demographic @🅰🅻🅸🅲🅴 (🌈🦄) was asking for input from, but you can't say something like that and then expect me not to ask. Safety be damned.
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Shouldn’t we file an issue with rust-lang (next April 1st) ?
(Added to my calendar)
@3janeTA My longtime favourite is shortbread cookies.
1 Cup Flour
1/2 Cup Icing Sugar
1/2 Cup Corn Starch
3/4 Cup Butter.
Mix the dry ingredients
Add soft butter
Scoop into balls
Press with a fork
Bake at 300 degrees Fahrenheit for 18-20 minutes, or until just slightly golden around the edges.
My favourite singular creation is a raspberry lattice pie though. I brought that to Easter dinner with my then girlfriend, and it was more popular than Grandma's apple pie.
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Hello, my name is Del
Back in the last century (well, also at the start of this one) I used to be a Master Training Specialist
I retired from that role, but fuck 'em, I still claim that identity
Now, as it happens, I am an instructor once again
I won't claim to be the best, but I do have a significant, positive impact upon the people who enter my classroom, so there's that
My hobbies include reading, repairing things once broken, and inventing new ways to break my computers
I am currently hiding in my closet (seriously, my office is a small walk-in closet), but taking baby steps toward transition
I also write on occasion. when the depression lets up enough for me to do so
I could go on, but there is ice cream melting in the other room, and I must needs to rectify that unfortunate situation
Hey hey,
I'm Leia, a trans, pan gal. I've got my MLIS, which is a log set of letters to say I'm a librarian. My forte is in genre fiction, (sci fi and fantasy,) because that's what I like.
I'm also a very advanced amature computer toucher. Running Linux, got my own server, etc. I'm the one everyone at work comes to before calling IT.
I've also been really into photography and photography equipment recently. My being cheap is the main thing keeping me from making a lot of regrettable purchases from goodwill. As it is I have a fungusy lens older than me and a younger one that smells like its been sitting for a while in the bottom of an outdoor ashtray.
Doing some more #art practice. I've read a bunch of stuff/watched a bunch of videos on how to draw decent looking anatomical proportions. They say things like: the body should be so many heads tall—though not all sources agree.
The thing I'm coming to understand though, is that the best tool I have for judging proportions is my eyeball. Does it look right? If not, it doesn't matter what the tutorial says. I need to trust my own judgement more.
I hate that the word "degenerate" has come back into style, even among young people, even uttered by otherwise woke antifa types who ought to know better.
(It's a fascist, eugenicist word. It means someone or something that is moving the gene pool backwards or destroying humanity's progress.)
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I think that's fair. The usage I'm seeing is casual references to something or someone who is bad, often playfully, but not in any sense taking it back or ironically. It is using it as a strong synonym for "bad" without any understanding of what it actually means.
I just saw it in a game stream.
When GenX was young, the only time I saw it used was old people saying it, either in reality or in fiction, and it was just part of the "old people are judgmental and cranky" trope alongside "stay off my lawn!" I didn't know what it meant then myself, other than just someone at the edges of society or a troublemaker, but also we weren't saying it, simply because it wasn't cool.
@johnnyvibrant ok, so, this is an example of exactly the problem that @corbden is calling out. Your statement rests on two assumptions which are explicitly right-wing, if not fascist.
MAGA aren't less evolved. They're simply assholes.
@Tattie @johnnyvibrant I like your clear and direct explanation.
And i agree with your sentiment about the word in question. It's so important to remember there's no "goal" or abstract perfect state in evolution. It's not actually a useful term when applied to people, especially in this way.
This might be going off on a tangent mostly unrelated to the point, but to be fair to the entire comment, I DO agree that they are destroying some of humanity's progress, at least socially/societally. What do you think?
@Tattie @eg0n @johnnyvibrant And when you get deep enough in your deconstruction or examination of your biases, starting with the question "Is western civilization really all that?" you can start to recognize that underneath its Mozarts and antibiotics is hidden a lot of ideological crap. Really terrible crap.
We've been indoctrinated into a superiority complex that is belied by the actions of our civilization. As a group, we are a violent colonizing force that destroys everything else in our path. Terms like "degenerate" and the ideologies it is based on (which predate eugenics) are part of the much larger problem of western superiority and the various justifications for the genocides that have waged for over one thousand years, beginning with Constantine. So many genocides that they've become invisible, accepted as inevitable. Normal human behavior. Right and good.
It is not.
So yeah, that's my beef.
@johnnyvibrant I appreciate the question and your vulnerability and being cool with the answers. That's how we learn and deconstruct the deep conditioning of white supremacy.
like literally!!! en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Degenera…
I hate that the word "degenerate" has come back into style, even among young people, even uttered by otherwise woke antifa types who ought to know better.(It's a fascist, eugenicist word. It means someone or something that is moving the gene pool backwards or destroying humanity's progress.)
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☝️ seriously. Dude has a friend, snacks, and a clear purpose. I find it weirdly comforting, even amid all the awful.
Also if you haven't read the #LotR books in a while I heartily recommend it. There's so many useful parallels, to help process and frame what's been happening in the world.
And SO much #tonicMasculinity - male friendships and comfort, strength and humility, the courage to do the right thing even when it's difficult. 😘👌
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@fskornia I literally said pretty much this today!
I was charmed by the lil physical touches of comfort and support. Frodo sleeping with his head in Sam's lap, etc.. And the whole book is choc-ful of brow kisses and hands grasped n whatnot.
There are so few models or social permission to be gentle and kind with other men.
I am so mad at the patriarchy for withholding these kinds of relationships from cis-het men.
@fskornia
If you don't want people to ship S&F, better not let them see the Peter Jackson movies.
I did notice that there are almost no women and a whole lot of spousal male relationships in the books when I read them; Gimli and Legolas stood out as the obvious couple in the books, it was more natural than Aragorn's romance that's for sure.
But the movies really make S&F into a story of unrequited love. Frodo's pain when seeing Sam lock himself in a comphet marriage was too real.
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☝️ particularly cheering tonight:
Oh I'm just a lil wee hobbit in a big awful war, what can I do?
🌊Befriend weird tree dude, take down Saruman.
🔥Save Faramir.
🗡️Hamstring a Ringwraith.
🌋 Oh and yah know, just sneak in and destroy the foundations of evil.
💪🧡Also, Sam's unrelenting yet pragmatic hope is a strange magical power that doesn't get enough cred.
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@20000lbs_of_Cheese
Oi! Are you dropping in out of nowhere to yuck my yum?
No thank you to that.
I am reading a book in a difficult time talking about the bits that are helping me cope, feel hopeful, and move forward.
What I absolutely don't need, and didn't invite, was an eviscerating literary critique.
Feel free to toot your own opinions on your own threads and have those discussions, but don't dive in and poop on my toot.
No thank you to that.
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I keep a time tracker in a git repository, partly because I find keeping such data to be useful, but partly just because I like to.
Anyhow, my last commit message was: "drawing & drugs". I feel like a lot of good art gets made this way.
Sadly, the drugs in question were for managing glucose and cholesterol, nothing fun. 🙃
Been doing some more drawing practice in #Krita. Trying to get better at drawing the things that are in my head rather than just recreating things I can see. I've recently discovered the lquify tool. It's really nice for nudging my line work into the shape I actually wanted it, but it feels like a cheat.
Then again, if I limit myself to what I could have done with physical media, I suppose I should also forego layers and undo—which I'm absolutely not going to do. I guess there's nothing wrong with using the tools available to me. I just don't want it to become too much of a crutch.
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"Well, he's a suspect, ain't he inspector?"
I mean, yes, but I don't know how you came to that conclusion.
"But he could figure he'd be out of a home and a job."
And you expect that he thought that killing Dupree would fix that? Does nobody think in this movie?
Sure nobody's found the will yet, but we'll just assume that we own the place now.
I'm sure that's how it works.
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100%
If there's any justice in the world, she'll get it.
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Yup, it's a bubble! Only Nvidia is making money from LLMs. The others are losing tons of cash, and I don't see how they can keep this up much longer.
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People often ask me why I drink so much cola and eat so many chips.
I just want to explain it briefly: I suffer from a very rare condition.
My body cannot produce cola and chips on its own, so I have to manually add them to the system.
It’s not unhealthy. It’s maintenance.
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I am having a painful day.
Would you kind folks, in the next 24 hours or so, tag me on a post you make about the last moment (or much longer?) you had or saw some #TransJoy ? Or #NBJoy ? Or #AgenderJoy ? Now you see why I'm asking? Too many possible sources. #BlackJoy or #DisabledJoy or #DeafJoy or so many others.
If you've a marginalised identity and found joy recently, tell me what it was. Don't be afraid to say it was about discomfiting your oppressor. Speak your joy. Doesn't matter if I share an identity with your oppressor, I don't do defensive. If I've done what you say, I'll apologise and/or accept responsibility for my failures and misdeeds and privilege. If I haven't, then I will share your victory joy, bc any oppressor is too many.
I just want to hear what's bringing you joy in an identity important to you?
Thread RULE: if it isn't about you, don't make it about you. You need to defend yourself for some reason? This is neither time nor place. Joy only. You wanna hurt someone? Not here. This is a braver space than that.
What's your joy, if you want to share?
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How about some joy that is coming up soon? June 12 will be the 30th anniversary of getting my name changed and I'm really looking forward to celebrating that day. It feels really good to know that I've made it this far!
I had a girls' afternoon with a bunch of girls and they fully embraced me being openly and vocally trans without ever making me feel the slightest bit out of place for being the only non-cis one.
I count it as #TransJoy because I'm different and I still belong. I *am* the same as the cis girls without pretending I'm *made* the same way. And they were all about letting me feel that way. Differing but not being something abnormal.
I'm struggling to phrase what I mean but hopefully it comes across between the lines.
Yesterday, in the laundromat, with a pair of #knitting needles.
I have a few largish floor rugs, too large for a home washing machine, not large enough (or valuable enough) to call in a steam cleaner, so I occasionally bring them to a laundromat with big machines.
And while they're washing, I knit. In this case, a gorgeous half-circle lace shawl in a hand-dyed silk & mohair thread.
Quadruple takes from some of the clientele.
It is likely a failing in me, but being secretly triumphant when someone walks into furniture because they can't figure out where you fit in their worldview is a joy.
Old, NB, and Bi normally means I am so invisible I can't get the bill even when waving money in the air.
A friend and I (we're both disabled by chronic illness) were able to visit the Crystal Springs Rhododendren Gardens last week. It's rare when we're both well enough to do something together.
No photos, but it was lovely! So many flowering trees/plants!
My husband and I have an annual pass but for certain groups (eg, folks on SNAP EBT) the garden has "pay what you wish" admission:
csrgpdx.org/community-access-p…
#DisabledJoy #PDX #Portland #Gardens
Voted a Top 5 Garden in the U.S., Crystal Springs is a sanctuary of tranquil beauty for the wellbeing of all.Crystal Springs Rhododendron Garden
I'll try in english for those here who want to read it without knowing french language. Beware of my mistakes in grammar en voc (it is okay to correct me. I'll ask for it, it can make me progress)
To understand the following very big text :
I am a trans man, non binary (agender)
But if I am out as trans with a very few IRL people, none of them know about my Non-binarity.
Or they know about nothing (just I am a man "like them" in their point of view)
Or they know I am a trans man, nothing more.
My joy start with some negative thoughts: since autumn 2015 about, my "Roommate" and I are isolated from queer association or queer community.
For us, it is only here, online and it is far far far from beeing enough. (But it's better than nothing, thabk you all for being here. Really.)
And I think I lost my "transness"
I mean, we are still aware to be trans, but, I, I spoke only for me, not for her, I forget often that I am trans
I forget I am a man, for people around us.
I forget I am not "supposed" to be a little girl when younger
I forget that part of my identity
It is a very complicated state because, I know, I am aware to be careful to not speak about me as "when I was a little girl"
And, in the same time, I no longer feel being trans. I don't know if it means something.
We are very very isolated. We love where we live but : lonely (about queerness)
1/ ?
--
Sometimes, people like you, on the internet ask us about something about us, about that thing that make us trans, or queer (and same sometimes about disabilities or other stuff like that)
Sometimes I read the comments/answers because I am mentally okay to appreciate others' joy
And that reminds me that I am "like them", those who answers to you, or to the people like you that ask that kind of questions
I started my questions about my identity in 2014, middle of the year. April-may 2014.
So 12 years ago and a month
I have forgot all about this
I started my first coming out May 17th 2014 (yes, the questions-quest was very quick)
So exactly 12 years ago
I remember each brutal words my mom told me after that, and all the consequences that followed it.
I remember the second coming-out, 25th january 2015, and I remember only a part of the consequences of it.
I started my HRT on February 2015
So 11 years ago and 3 months
I remember the first injection. Nothing much more.
I had the privilege to have my top surgery on November 2015 (in a time when only 2 surgeons were safe in France)
So 10 years ago and half
I remember a part of it (thank to my blog site I wrote at this time)
And I change my name officially in early 2017 I think or 2018 ? (I lost a lot of my memory because of a medication)
So about 9 years or 8 years ago.
I don't remember much
2/ ?
--
It is hard to realise all the things I did to become what and who I am
It is hard to understand how did I do all of this.
I mean, I am afraid, nowadays, to do a little surgery. How could I get a top surgery ? It is a big surgery.
I am so exhausted about administrative stuff. How did I do all the stuff to change my name and gender on paper ??
To do the "normal admin stuff" when my face didn't match with my girly former name ?
I am so exhausted about everything in life (mostly because disabled).
How did I do all the identity quests ?
How did I survive the second puberty ? (When the first was a nightmare)
How did I survive against my "family's" queerphobia TWO TIME (and the last one during the whole 8 years) ?
Where did I found the strength and bravery (courage?) to tell my parents I no longer want them in my life ?
I don't know, I don't remember all of this BUT I know this is me. I know I did this
I was not alone each time, my "roommate" was here each fucking second of all the steps I made. Sometime I had friends. Many times we were alone.
But I know it was my body, my mind, my questions, my identity
3/?
--
I can't realise how much it is hard, it is a unique long journey.
I mean, there are a lot of people in the world that had a journey very similar to mine.
But.
How many got the SAME path ? None
How many feel the same ? A LOT
I am pretty sure that, everything I am writing right know means something to someone.
And will mean something to someone in 2 days or 2 years or 20 years.
Because we all have differents paths that leads here. That's end here for today. And it will ends somewhere else tomorrow, and each day, again and again, and again.
Each journey and/or paths we cross
Each choice we made was entirely different for everyone of us, but the same too. Something made you make that choice. But the questions were the same :
Who am I ?
Do I need this to feel better ?
Can I do this ?
I choose to make this little step maybe to see how I feel about this.
We are unique.
We live an unique way to explore ourselves
We live something totally unique from cis people
But we are all in the same way :
We are transfolks, we live the same kind of journey
We all know what it means for most of us
We all know that the choice we made make the difference.
We all understand what it means for us to choose to do the first step of this path
4/ ?
--
Even if we are separated by a road, a mountain or an ocean, we were in the same shitty mental health, and we made the same choice to shine.
And, even if we need to shine to stay strong, or to help others, we are our own journey, because it is a part of our identity
It is not just the new name we choose that appear on the paper
But the whole stuff we fight against.
Because we survive
And all the comments, about the little stuff that make someone happy
Or the big move in their life
Or whatever that bring a little joy for them, it is a way, for me, to read "yesterday I was like you and today I stand here and share my joy"
"Today I am where I did not expect to be"
"Today I am as strong as I was before. Now I know it"
Today, I have no joyful stuff to share
But I know that all of you exist today against a lot of fight, and it means a lot.
When I started my HRT, I couldn't expect having "10 years of HRT"
"I have only a month, how will I make it until 2025 ?"
It was like... a lot of works, about everything.
And when I read all of you, I remember stuffs
And I think "wow, I didn't mean to do that, surviving. But I am already after 10 years of HRT"
I can't espress how I feel about this. It is strong, it is pride, it is fear, and... joy ?
I think I found a little joy to share, after all.
5/5 (end)
Trans Joy # 1
Just a few days ago I spent the afternoon manly wielding a sledge hammer to destroy my deck.
Trans Joy # 2
I took a shower after wielding above sledge hammer and then went on tidying things up, getting dinner ready...
And I suddenly realized I never bothered to put on a shirt after my shower. I was doing all that topless.
Big hit of gender euphoria discovering my brain fully consider my breast male and not worth covering.
Meeting up with a couple of trans friends on Friday and enjoying a Steve Hackett concert.
And tomorrow (Monday the 25th) will be an anniversary of sorts, as my transition began 7 years ago!
And all the hugs, and may you find joy in this difficult time. 🫂
My joy today is that I asked for a thing.
Most places offer a warranty for their plants, I've never tried to call this in before, even when I really could have. It's just never felt like it's worth the stress and effort before.
Last year, I had a landscaper put in a bunch of plants, almost all of which came through beautifully. A couple crapped out for no clear reason, a couple crapped out due to less-than-ideal care on my part. I don't so much care about the 3 small ones, but one of the "crapped out for no apparent reason" plants was a tree. It's both decently expensive and too big for me to deal with myself, so I contacted the landscaper about the warranty. (Double joy, he's happy to cover it!)
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How about some trans WTF?
anarres.family/@faithisleaping…
Me: Is a little bloated and walks by a mirror My brain 🧠: “You’ve got a bit of a belly. Are you pregnant?🤰🏻” Okay, brain… You win. I really don’t know how to take that. 🤣Faith, Purple haired feminist 🧋 :v_tg: :v_lb: :v_greyace: (Server of the Anarresti)
Some recent Disability Joy in my life:
eldritch.cafe/@TheSunnyOne/116…
eldritch.cafe/@TheSunnyOne/116…
eldritch.cafe/@TheSunnyOne/116…
eldritch.cafe/@TheSunnyOne/116…
(I think those are in the correct order! A slightly more thorough breakdown of the good parts of the past week will be posted when I have gathered my spoons)
More castles and plushies today. I have an extra 3 dragon plushies, and a lil bunny princess plushie. First castle of today let me rent a mobility scooter, which was fantastic.lez-anya (Eldritch Café)
I actually find joy in identifying enemies.
I have a mini-list that I wrote down in my notebook earlier. It has three items:
My enemies lie. They lie to me and they lie to themselves.
I double down on my listening just like they double down on their lies.
I am a pufferfish. Good to eat, but you've got to be skilled if you don't want my ideas to incapacitate you.
When I understand my enemies, it's a joyful thing to me.
Hier j'ai croisé ma tante.
Découvrir à quelle point elle* n'est pas cis, et discuter tranquillement toustes les deux était sympa.
On a pu blaguer, se planter, partager. Dans un contexte tout nouveau (famille mais pas cis).
C'était chouette et nouveau, voilà nouveau ça décrit bien.
(Elle* avait vaguement abordé le sujet de son identité à son dernier passage, là on a eu le temps de creuser.)
Elle* a aussi dit de la merde. Mais c'est ma tante, je sais qu'elle* parle trop vite, qu'elle choisis pas ses mots, qu'elle* est fait pas gaffe, etc… dans tous les sujets, donc que c'était pas contre moi. Et ça, forcément, je l'ai pour l'instant avec personne d'autre.
(Peut-être ma cousine lesbienne, médecin généraliste qui accompagne quelques personnes trans, et qui est elle-même lesbienne, mais je viens de lui faire mon coming-out alors j'ai pas eu l'occasion de papoter.)
(*tant que je n'ai pas de consignes d'autre pronoms, je garde "elle", c'est pas un truc important pour elle.)
You might enjoy @joybooster.
Lately I’ve found joy in the SilentSunday hashtag if you don’t already follow it.
Hope things improve for you soon.
Some poly joy.
Been getting to see my owner meet someone new, who lives near hir, and getting to know this person better. Who has turned out to be pretty great, and sie is already planning to introduce this person to hir other partners and lovers and close friends and subs.
I've been experiencing so much compersion for the both of them. (Compersion, for those who don't know, is the opposite of jealousy or envy. It feels really good.) And I'm so happy my owner has met someone closer to hir in distance, as sie is quite far away from the rest of us, as in, across an ocean and for some of us a continent too.
Also watched a movie online yesterday with my owner and a couple of hir partners who usually attend such things. They also bring me much joy and compersion feelings.
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OK, there's literally 40 years of backstory to this, so bear with me.
I'm no longer religious, but I was raised Catholic. When you're baptized Catholic, your parents choose godparents for you, who are supposed to be there for you as alternative parents and guide you in your religious life. I wasn't baptized until I was 10 years old, and when I was baptized, my parents chose the parents of a boy I started playing with when I was like two years old and was one of few boy-friends I had growing up. He and I have stayed connected over the years as we've both moved around. He was the best man at my wedding when I got married 21 years ago. Now, he's an actor and lives in LA.
His parents (my godparents) are still very much practicing Catholics and celebrated their 50th wedding anniversary this weekend. They invited me to the celebration, which included a Catholic mass. I haven't seen them in 20 years (and I transitioned 6 years ago), but they have kept in touch with me (and it was pretty much entirely them doing the keeping in touch), including exchanging messages with me since I came out. They have always been supportive, and they even sent me a care package the week after I had bottom surgery and checked in with me via text all through recovery. They have always been wonderful to me, so despite no longer being Catholic and the celebration happening at the church in the small town I grew up in where everyone knows everyone, I decided to go.
OK, so that's the backstory. At the celebration yesterday, despite having not seen me in 20 years, as soon as I came into the church, my godfather came over to me, gave me a big hug, and used my name to tell me he was so happy to see me. My godmother introduced me to the other people in the church as her goddaughter. All three of their kids, including the one who is my friend who came in from LA for the celebration (but we're all close in age, so we all played together growing up), gave me big hugs, used my name without hesitation or uncertainty and told me how good it was to see me.
It wasn't just acceptance. It was full on embracing and loving who I am and I will never forget it.
Bernie Luckily Does It reshared this.
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I recently fell in love with another woman, the gentlest, most accepting person I know. She recently called me beautiful, and we've said "I love you" to each other. 🥰
I lost the use of my right foot two years ago due to a broken ankle that cascaded into the complete collapse of my foot.
If I want to walk, I have to wear a very cumbersome prosthetic.
But when I put it on and actually get to walk around normally again, however slowly or awkwardly, it's always so joyful.
@Cetraria @Amgine
I try to find ways to announce my presence, because I tend to surprise people that "didn't heard me". Even when I take care of tapping soundly my feet when walking or "hem" when comming, or even huming a song.
And don't tell me about the bill in a restaurant…
I'll try to find a positive way to use that power, thanks !
(And if I go as far as put a bell, I'll tell you how it go.)
Thanks for the sharing !
@Cetraria
Congratulations!
Unfortunately, people *expect* old people to wear a mask (which I do.) At least, it has not made me more noticed.
It does seem to convince people I am also hard of hearing. Or, because *my* voice is somewhat muffled, they feel compelled to raise *their* voice.
1. I recently came out as bi to my grandma and she was accepting and loving. This side of me didn't decide to really present itself until I was in my 40s. It was nice to tell someone I love and felt like I made a claim on this identity for myself.
2. I've been trying to start #SummerOfColour for masc presenting folx to post selfies of them wearing more colourful stuff. Masc clothes are often lacking colour. Alice who has a much bigger audience than me boosted it and expressed her support. It felt nice to be seen and encouraged.
3. I'm currently sitting outside at the camp listening to all the birds. There's a cuckoo who's been calling for an hour now. I don't think I've ever heard one on the wild until today.
I've recently started going to a monthly karaoke party with a friend who happens to be the ex fiancé of my abuser (he also abused her). This abuser has tried to push me to be less masculine a LOT and didn't even come close to giving her the attention and care she deserves, very disrespectful person, frequently crossing boundaries, all that.
Now though, after we've kicked him out of our lives years ago and taken over all the places he used to frequent (including our choir, which is also very important but a whole nother rabbit hole), we get to have so much joy.
My friend gets asked if I'm her man quite frequently when we're out together, oddly enough it's usually by men who would like her to introduce them to me if I'm not hers. It's a moment of aromantic friendship joy for me because she gets to have an actual conversation with people and I get to skip trying to find out if someone is interesting to talk to.
There's a lot of trans joy in there too because not only do they reliably see me as a hot man, they see me as a hot man while I'm wearing nail polish and jewelery and dancing with my friend. In specifically the space our shared abuser has taken us both to while pushing me to be less masculine.
Now I get to take his ex fiancé to the rock and roll bar for karaoke, looking hotter than him and giving her a far better time than he did, all while not even trying to date her. We won and we get to do a victory lap every month.
reshared this
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I got home after my first day outside in a dress, a lovely night watching the Survivor finale with friends. I caught my reflection in a building mirror, sweaty, flushed, and windswept but it looked femme and I liked it 🥰
Sometimes my anxiety fixates on the ways my expression of feminity conflicts with the compromises of bike life, and it felt like a refutation of those feelings.
I'm sorry for your pain, and I admire the way you use it to inspire joy.
years into my transition my public transport pass still had an old pre-transition photo on it*. The train conductor doing their rounds checks my pass, looks at the photo, looks at me, looks at the pass again before looking me in the eyes and handing me my transport pass back: "Quite the improvement." With an approving smile. #TransJoy 
*Something with the railways just issuing new cards with the photo on file every 5 years, and not asking you to update it before a new card is sent out. Something they have since changed, me complaining about it has played a role in that.
Had a nice interaction with one of the neighbor children in our apartment building. We were returning from a convention with our fursuits a few weeks ago, and all the children were playing in the hallways, and were very interested. We had a lil chat with them, about furry stuff.
This one has been seeing the kids around, and having lil interactions, as it comes and goes. The other day, one of the kids walked up to talk to it. They asked about the pride / furry pins on its bag, then shared with this one they were non-binary, and a therian. This one shared it's also NB, and transfem. We had a nice talk about gender identity, queer, therianism, and furry stuff. Kid was really thrilled to meet someone else who gets them. ~^
This one's just so happy to be the kind of person they could feel comfortable enough to walk up and share stuff like that with. This comes after it's recent attempts to be a lil more visible. Very affirming that was the right decision. It was really nervous at first, especially in this red-ass state, but it's been really.. nice. Kinda liberating, and comfy in a lot of small ways. It finds a lot of the cishet people around here don't seem to notice much, but the queer folks dial right in on it. 
That's just the one interaction that really sticks out to this one. There's so been many lil ones too. It's very nice to actually see, and talk to the other queer folks in the area. It suddenly feels so much less alone out here.
The thing that pops in my head is the *first* joy... I decided to go to my "home" filk convention Fully Out... and an old friend hadn't gotten the memo about 
-me... so I re-introduced myself.... And she made a point of getting name and pronouns right the rest of the con. (She and I don't have much in common other than the music - she chose to live in the American South, I GTFO; she's atheist, I'm pretty much the exact opposite of that (as in, like the stars...) But we share the music, and a deep sense of the importance of of caring for one's fellow being, and that made a huge difference...
Oh, and now I remember the latest time... the most recent convention, just last week, half a world a way, half in a different _language_... but one of the presenters came out with Kenji's "Guys, gals, non-binary pals" and _I was not the only WHOOP!! of appreciation in the house_... I'm like, yeah, _this is my people_ all right...
Representation _matters_... shared pain is lessened; shared joy, increased. May your pain be less for sharing joy.
Trans man here. Today I was out shirtless in public for the first time since I got top surgery (only briefly, cuz fresh scars need more sun-free time and all)!
I just got back inside after running around in the pouring rain goofing off with my brother like we were little kids again. Kayaking, playing cornhole, sprinting to gather up gear as the sky opened up outta nowhere... it's amazing for it to feel so normal to just move around and do things like any other guy. 😀 #TransJoy
I can't thank you enough for your encouragements. It's sweet to read you.
I'll do my best to keep your reminder in my mind!
I don't know if I can spend some weeks or days in an other country than mine, it is kind of difficult, because money and health stuff. (I know you know it can be hard)
12 years ago, I had a bad english level, after my school (level "baccalaureat" the exam at the end of... high school I guess, as an equivalent?)
When I met my "Roommate", she watched a lot of stuff in english. Series, cartoons, YouTube, etc.
And followed lots of english people for her work and stuffs (astronomy, weather/meteorology, etc)
So, at first, she under-leveled her stuff for me. We watched cartoons in english with french subtitles (I need subtitles even in french because I have earing problems)
It was hell hard, like A LOT
But she couldn't move back to watch some of her stuff in french, so I gave up a while (during depression time)
When I was healing very slowly, we tried again, watched little stuff. Not much because my attention was not enough for an entire movie.
We started with Steven Universe. It gave me hope because the cartoon is about love, friendship, acceptance, etc. And we move-on with english subtitles.
And since... 7-8 years, I guess, we are at this point, with all in english
Sometime, I am... veryveryvery surprised because, without watching the video or the movie, I can understand what the actors/people are saying. Not for long but still.
I know for sure I can read very easily English. (Well, with a "normal" english, not the very old english or too much-modifying-english)
I know I can write in english and be clear enough. I need to be confident about my skills, I know.
It is sometimes hard (because brain fog, or adhd issues or tiredness) (I could never write that much in english 2 years ago, I know that)
Thank to my skill, I can skip a forgotten-word (or a unknown one) and make a total new sentence that mean the same (it is so much intellectual sport, it is kind of exhausting ! 
)
I know I can understand mostly speaking-english. But with my earing problem it is not evolving much, I need support to understand. Or slow speaking.
But... you gonna laugh about it, and you are so right to do so :
I am so bad at speaking english... I am never talking in english, It asks me so much ressources. It is like I lost all my grammar, voc and other stuffs.
I don't understand because when I am writing this text right now, I feel my tongue moving, like I am speaking my text !
But when I want to tell someone, for example "oh, I'm so glad you pass your exam, you are so good, congrats !",
I am so lost that I tell
"Oh, er... I am happy to you, er ... for you ! Er-er because you win your exam, uh no, you have réussir you exam ? No. Hum... well done, bye !"
It is so annoying (and funny I know)
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@poupou24_ Your written English is quite good. The grammar isn’t quite right but I have no trouble understanding you. The meaning comes through clearly. 💜
Which is a lot more than I can say for my French. I’m learning but I still only know a little. I can read some and I can write a little but it’s exhausting to write more than a sentence or two.
honestly, french is very hard. A lot of useless letters, or mute one
And that means that you can't read it properly because it doesn't speak as it is written
In french, lots of people say "ça s'écrit comme ça se prononce" it means "this have to be written like it is spoken" (i guess ? The passive formula is hard in english for me yet) and it is so wrong.
We speak with some weird sounds to understand and/or to make
We write with, quite often, useless letters
And of course, there are so much words that pronounce the same, write almost the same (or very similar)
But that mean totally others stuff
Example :
Maire - mer - mère
Maire : it is the mayor, the "chief" of a town or a city
La Mer : it is the sea.
La Mère : the mother
And all 3 are pronounced like "mair" ? (If I try to find a similar english sound) something like in "fair" or "their"
And everything in french is gendered... I am happy : je suis heureuse (female) - je suis heureux (male) - je suis heureuxe / heureux-se (neutral form, non official)
That's one of many reasons why I like to write in english, because even if I am not careful, when I forgot to check someone's prounouns or gender before I answer to them, I know there is like no risk I made a gender mistake. Because there is no much gender words in english when you directly speak to someone.
Well, french is nice to use, to learn, but very hard and too much gendered !
I had a BBQ with so many friends old and new yesterday, and my girlfriend too. 🥰 Cis women, trans women, non-binary people, and a few token cis guys too 😅
My #TransJoy is knowing I'm loved and accepted as the woman I am. We drank "to community" at one point, and I meant it. Those attempting to drive trans folks to the margins won't succeed.
My #WidowJoy is about new growth. Many friends grew distant after I became a widow, but the most important have stuck by me. Two of my oldest friends were there, both bridesmaids at my wedding, and they met my new girlfriend and got on fabulously. And it was lovely to see all my new friends becoming good friends.
a couple more snippets of trans joy:
@Tattie
Heh. Speaking of things never getting old. I've read some trans women over the years saying that their transness kind of became incidental to their womanhood after a while, they sort of settled into normalcy (my phrasing, not theirs).
And nothing wrong with that. It's a good thing for a lot of people, clearly.
But that could never be me. My transness is so front in my mind all the time. Getting gendered right tickles my brain and I never sorta forget that I'm trans, the way some trans girls describe.
I keep waiting for this supposed moment when being trans just becomes this small thing about me as opposed to 70% of my personality, and somehow it still isn't happening.
Good thing I actually like it that way. But I do sometimes wonder if I'm weird, or if my attitude is unhealthy.
@oddtail @Tattie
For my part that happened to me pretty quickly after my surgery. Within less than a year i had stopped going to trans support groups and had found a new home in the pagan and music scenes in my town. i started dating for the first time ever and they were all cis people. i just finally felt like i could get on with life as a woman, not specifically a trans woman, though that was always in the back of my mind, though.
Cue 2016 and the rise of Trump and the current wave of transphobia, and being trans started becoming relevant to me again. i decided that i need to get back involved with the community "to support others", but what i really found was that i really needed the company of other trans people myself. Now i have no friends outside the trans community, except for some lesbian friends i've made through the LGBT community center. i like things better this way.
My #transjoy :
Seven years after I started transitioning, this is what I’m doing: resting, enjoying Dutch wine and cheese, and writing something I want to do a video on for my class.
Sorry to hear you're hurting.
Yesterday's #TransJoy came from having a couple of friends visit, for the first time since I came out to them.
Getting out of bed and thinking "yay! An excuse to put on my nicest bra and a full face of makeup!" These are still deeply affirming things for me.
Later, one of them asked me what transition has been like. When I told her I'd known genuine happiness for the first time, she leapt up and gave me the biggest hug.
Bernie Luckily Does It reshared this.
#autisticJoy Noone at work knows i’m neurodivergent even though they are very neurodivergent friendly and i do have other neurodivergent coworkers. I love soft and comfy things so when it turned out we had a huge (like 150cm x 90 cm ish) soft beanbag i immediately went there whenever i was on my break. Since then the bean bag just has been in our shared space as an option.
We only have fixed computer work spaces so when I gushed at how great it is to sit in it and have a comfy place my boss brought up the idea of getting a work-laptop for the office so i could work in the bean bag. He keeps me updated and has told me he is advocating for the laptop.
A few days ago he added that I could also take the beanbag up to the fire escape and get even more comfy outside with good weather and not as much distraction and noise from coworkers.
It just made me feel so seen and understood without ever having to explain “i’m autistic and this is hard for me” it just warmed my heart. He is also very open about his attitude “just because it’s rough for me right now it does not have to be for you” and it is just so freaking nice to be so respected and cared for.
Bernie Luckily Does It reshared this.
@mayz
That's amazing and wonderful. And shows an ally who gets that an accommodation you have to ask for isn't one. Brilliant.
Did you tell him how great he was doing? I would. I always reward advanced good behaviour like that. BECAUSE a person who does that wouldn't expect it, and shouldn't, it makes it more powerful that they know you're not gonna give cookies for the ordinary. Basic social change tactics: punish bad behaviour, but reward the above & beyond.
Thank you for telling me! Lovely story of joy. ☺️
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the looks on the faces of several trans, or gay, or envy, or whatever else people from other units when they realise my platoon almost uniformly wears progress pride patches instead of the regular ones we're officially required to wear.
I like my platoon 😁
I want to share a longer story that is not recent, but that I have thought about last week. It's about Carmina Burana, #transjoy , and things coming full circle.
When I was a teenager of about 14, 15 years, in a small town (and being categorized as a girl), I took part in my rather large school choir. It is special is a way - not only students, but also teachers, parents, and alumni. I loved singing Carmina Burana as an Alt voice, but knew I was in the wrong category. The conductor was also my music teacher, a passionate person about all acoustic things and highly talented.
Some twenty years later, after a lifetime of different experiences, I moved back to my hometown for a year. When I heard that the same person conducted the choir and Carmina Burana was done again, I joined, now as a Tenor. It was at the same time tricky (as some parts differ quite fundamentaly between those voices, and I had to stop myself from singing what I was used to) and very satisfactory as I could finally sing the male parts that I wanted.
I also discovered that the conductor and I had something in common: she was now living as the woman she had always been hiding inside. She also recognized me from my student days. We were never close back then, but seeing us both after transitioning gave us a kind of connection, of kinship in a way, that is hard to describe. I am grateful that we could have this moment together, of standing proudly on stage as us.
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I'm an A&E doctor, so meet lots of new patients every shift. I'm not very vocally Out out at work for Reasons (one picks one's own battles)
one patient saw the trans pride flag on my phone and my lanyard and thoughtfully asked for my pronouns
I felt so seen, then
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been feeling a bit more gender-wibbly lately, and it always makes me a bit happy when that happens
also, it's been a few months since i raised my T dosage, and i'm pretty sure i managed to stop my periods again (went back on after ~1yr off, dosage was no longer enough to stop bleeding, raised it and it seems like it's going well)
@soren Rhodes was mostly in upstate New York but got airplay on college radio in the 90s, and still does. Hew album Warpaint is still in heavy rotation for me.
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No insurance = can’t legally drive
No gas = can’t get where I medically need to go
I need this insurance renewal and gas to happen
🚨⛽️🚨
QT
RT
even small support
Anything you can do helps move this forward.
I need this to move forward
V: Syreeta-Nolan
PP: nolansyreeta
@mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st
@edendestroyer
THIS IS STILL AN EMERGENCY SITUATION!
I NEED TO SECURE $1,200 RIGHT NOW FOR PAST DUE AND UPCOMING BILLS, COVER UPCOMING RENT, AND PURCHASING FOOD, OR I AM IN SERIOUS TROUBLE!!
STILL TIME ON MY OUT-THE-WOMB BIRTHDAY FOR RECEIVING GIFTS!!
PLEASE HELP IF YOU CAN!!
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
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@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
I hate having to spam this, but I am at my wit's end, and I am STARVING for not having eaten anything since yesterday. Some help to purchase food would be grand right about now.
#MutualAid CRISIS EMERGENCY! (62nd Birthday Edition)
$1,200 needed RIGHT NOW!
I am already way past due on some bills and rent is due TOMORROW MORNING!! Eviction is imminent if I can't pay in full!!
Please help me finish this!!
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
💸💕🎉🎊
(Update: Ko-fi issues Not fixed yet! Please use PayPal or Venmo options w/ Ko-fi, or direct Stripe site!!)
#BirthdayWeek is now past; however, the portal for tips remains open.
$1,000 still needed for current bills & rent due NOW!!
I still could use your help getting through this month! Thanks!
💸💕🙏🏿🙏🏿🆘🚨🆘
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
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THIS IS AN EXTREMELY URGENT EMERGENCY SITUATION!!!
I must raise $1,200 RIGHT NOW for critical bills, rent due TOMORROW MORNING, and purchasing food! Eviction imminent!
I cannot afford any eviction or loss of service drama right now!!
Please help if you can!! 💸💕🙏🏿🙏🏿
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
Still $0/$1,200. Need funds RIGHT NOW for rent, bills, and purchasing food! Eviction imminent by TOMORROW MORNING if rent is not paid TODAY!!
This is an extreme emergency!! Please help if you can!!
💸💕 🙏🏿🙏🏿🚨🆘🚨
Links for donations:
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
#MutualAid EXTREMELY URGENT CRISIS EMERGENCY!!! 💸💕🙏🏿🙏🏿🆘🚨🆘🚨🆘
Still $200/$1,200.
The clock is still ticking!!! Still $1,000 short of what's needed RIGHT NOW!! Rent and bills due RIGHT NOW!! Eviction imminent later this morning!! Please help!! Need a miracle now!!
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go… (use PayPal or Venmo option there)
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
#MutualAid URGENT EMERGENCY!! DOWN TO THE WIRE!! EVICTION IS IMMINENT!!
Still $200/$1,200!! Still $1,000 short of what is needed RIGHT NOW. Rent due IN LESS THAN AN HOUR!!!. I am royally FUCKED if I cannot pay my rent by Noon. Please, for heaven's sake, help me with this if you can!!!
Links for donations:
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
I cannot under emphasize the trouble I will face later this morning if I cannot face my landlady with the funds to pay my rent; or I have to do without some critical services because they were cut off due to lack of payment.
Sorry again for the begging and spamming. I'm simply up against it HARD this morning.
Still $1,000 short.
@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
I HAVE UNTIL THE END OF THIS AFTERNOON TO FINISH PAYING MY RENT BEFORE I GET EVICTED; AND THE PAST DUE BILLS ARE PILING ON!!
STILL $1,000 SHORT!!
GONNA TAKE A MIRACLE!! ANY VOLUNTEERS???
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go… (Use PayPal and Venmo options within Ko-fi ONLY!!)
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
OK...was able to buy some extra time for today ONLY by paying all that I had.
I STILL NEED $1,000 RIGHT NOW!! EVICTION HAS ONLY BEEN STAYED FOR A FEW HOURS!!! 10 moots X $100 would do the trick!! Please, help me finally finish this!!
💸💕🙏🏿🙏🏿🚨🆘🚨🆘🚨
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go… (Use the PayPal or Venmo options)
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
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@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
STILL $0/$1,000. Losing hope, running out of time, and getting very, very anxious and scared.
Still time for someone to be my savior, though.
I really need this rent and bills finished RIGHT NOW. PLEASE HELP IF YOU CAN!! I AM BEGGING YOU.
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go… (Use the PayPal or Venmo options at Ko-fi)
@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
CRISIS EMERGENCY! EXTREMELY URGENT! EVICTION IMMINENT!
$950 needed RIGHT NOW!! Rent WELL PAST DUE!! Please help me finish this so I won't face my landlady empty-handed!!
#MutualAid #HelpFolksLive2026 #BlackMA #DisabledMA #SettlerSaturday #UrgentNeed
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
(Use the options @ Ko-fi for PayPal or Venmo, not Stripe)
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
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@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
Those issues using Stripe with Ko-fi are back!! ARRRRGHH!! Please use either the PayPal or Venmo options if you use Ko-fi; or go straight to the direct Stripe option to donate via debit/credit card:
@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
Down to needing $1,000!! Less than an hour to go!!
💸💕🙏🏿🙏🏿😱😱👋🏿👋🏿🚨🆘🚨🆘🚨
Thank you, "M", for donating $120!!
Help me finish this and ease my mind, folks!!!
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
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@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
Still need $920 RIGHT NOW for rent due Friday, critical bills due now, and purchasing food!!
Hopefully I will get a decision on my Social Security Retirement benefits by the end of this week!! Disability benefits appeal also moving along!!
Also....still working on fixing Ko-fi/Stripe card issue; please use PayPal within Ko-fi, direct PayPal, Venmo, or CashApp until this is resolved.
#MutualAid #HelpFolksLive2026 #MAV 💸💕 🙏🏿🙏🏿🚨🆘
Hiyo! I’m Salem, a disabled queer black artist & commissions and #mutualaid are my only sources of income. Currently trying to keep my phone on so I can get my SNAP recertified this week. Everything else goes to groceries and other necessities!
Monthly Goal: 30/600
Past Phone bill: 30/$160 || May Phone Bill: 0/160
Ko-fi: ko-fi.com/salemart
Throne: throne.com/enbyprincesalem
CashApp: $BiChristopher
Chime: $SalemPrince
#BIPOCMA #MutualAidRequest #Mutualaid #DisabilityCrowdfund
Like what I do? Drop a ko-fi! All funds through ko-fi go toward my living expenses and keeping me alive and fed~Ko-fi
Thank you
Sabi's mom has been in the hospital all week and their hotel isn't letting them stay there anymore, details here:
bsky.brid.gy/r/bsky.app/profil…
@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
#MutualAid EMERGENCY 💸💕🙏🏿🙏🏿🚨🆘🚨
I still need $675 RIGHT NOW to pay rent due Friday, bills, & purchasing food.
Additional $1,250 covers rest through June.
#MutualAid #MutualAidBoost #MutualAidVoid #MAV #BIPOCMA #DisabledMutualAid #BlackMutualAid
#MABoost #HelpFolksLive2026 #Helpsky
💸💕🙏🏿🙏🏿
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
STILL $30/$750.
Need to order some food right now; completely out of funds.
Still hoping to reach the final May goal by tomorrow morning. Will reset at $0/$2,000 for June on tomorrow.
💸💕
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
Still $75/$750/$2,000.
$675 needed **RIGHT NOW** for rent due Friday + $1,250 for remainder of June bills.
NO funds for bills, food, or next rent due Friday. Retirement benefits approved with payments start mid-July; Disability still pending. Will have to crowdfund one more month.
💸💕 🙏🏿🙏🏿🚨🆘🚨
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
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@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
Update for today:
mastodon.redgarterclub.com/@An…
LAST DAY FOR REACHING FINAL GOAL OF $2,000 FOR MAY! STILL $720 SHORT! NEED TO PAY RENT DUE FRIDAY + INCOMING BILLS! WILL RESET BACK TO $0/$2,000 FOR JUNE TOMORROW MORNING! STILL HAVE TO RAISE FUNDS UNTIL SS-RETIREMENT BENEFITS KICK IN MID JULY! DI…AnthonyJK-Admin (AnthonyJK's Personal Mastodon Page)
@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
Last chance to help me reach my final May goal!!! Need $720 RIGHT NOW!!!
On Monday, it's back to $0/$2,000 for June!!
Rent comes due on Friday!! Bills always come in!! No income until mid-July!!
PLEASE HELP ME FINISH THIS!!!
💸💕🙏🏿🙏🏿🚨🆘🚨
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
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@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
Still $0/$750. Completely tapped out of funds; still have bills incoming; want to make final May goal of $2,000 by Sunday. Then, $0/$2,000 reset for June on Monday.
#MutualAid #MutualAidVoid #MAV #BIPOCMA #DisabledMutualAid #BlackMutualAid
#MABoost #HelpFolksLive2026 #BlackMastodon
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
💸💕 🙏🏿🙏🏿
@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
$750 needed RIGHT NOW for bills, rent & food.
$2,000 TOTAL covers this + the rest of June.
SS-Retirement now APPROVED @ $880/month starting in July; Disability still pending appeal. NO INCOME UNTIL THEN.
Next rent due June 5th.
Goal counter for June now reset @ $0/$2,000.
💸💕 🙏🏿🙏🏿
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
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@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
$0/$750
Would love to have this cleared by Sunday so I don't have to worry about paying rent next week.
On Monday I will reset the counter back to $0/$2,000 for June.
💸💕 🙏🏿🙏🏿
Links for donations:
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
spot.fund/121vs4wct
chuffed.org/project/123374-hel…
@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
#MutualAid Update:
May is mostly clear, save for any late utility bills. Next rent comes due June 5th.
SS-Retirement APPROVED @ $880/mo starting July; Disability still pending appeal.
If anyone wants to donate $750 right now so that I reach my final May goal of $2,000 by Sunday, that would be very much appreciated.
I will reset the goal for June back to $0/$2,000 on Monday 6/1.
Thanks as always for your help.
1/
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@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
Finally, the need is met!! Thank you, "S", for that final push!!
I promise, no more begposting!!
(Until next week, when next rent comes due, if the feds don't hurry up and clear my SS-R benefits!!)
Thank you all, anyways!!
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@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
Can anyone please help me raise $50 to $100 to purchase some food to eat?? I haven't eaten anything since Sunday.
#HelpFolksLive2026 #Helpsky #FoodEmergency 💸💕 🙏🏿🙏🏿
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
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@nolan_syreeta @mutualaid@fedigroups.social @mutualaid@ovo.st @edendestroyer
I still need to raise funds right now so I can order some food and pay off two bills that are past due.
$250 needed RIGHT now; boosts also appreciated.
💸💕 🙏🏿🙏🏿🚨🆘🚨
ko-fi.com/anthonyjkenn38399/go…
cash.app/AnthonyJK6319
venmo.com/u/AnthonyJK6319
paypal.me/anthonyjkenn
donate.stripe.com/6oE9BeeJ2c2p…
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That feeling when you upgrade the OS on a VPS on another continent and it takes longer than expected to start answering on SSH after the reboot.
In other news, all my Debian machines have now been upgrded to Trixie.
So, today Katy and I had to go to the jewlery store for her rings' semi-annual warranty inspection. They've changed to a new electronic system, and they needed me to show them an email that they had sent (which was somehow different from the email they'd sent to Katy). Problem is, I'd already archived it, so it wasn't on the mail server any more and I had to SSH into my machine at home to read it in gnus... in a terminal... on my phone... that's a tiny font so it can accommodate an 80 column display.
The lady at the counter, who'd understandably never encountered this setup before, proceeded to pinch to zoom, which did succeed in increasing the font size, but left the text she needed to read off the bottom of the screen. She then got very frustrated trying to scroll it... because terminals don't work like that.
Yes, my setup is janky and weird, but it works for me, okay?
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This has been my experience with Northeastern University (Boston campus), and I never considered they could be throttling traffic, it always looked more like dropped packets, and so I assumed it was a problem with their Wi-Fi/lack in fiber, combined with how UDP is a bit more robust to dropped packets
I'll see if I still have some data on that after a nap
huntnewsnu.com/89834/editorial…
You have just gotten back to your dorm after three back-to-back classes, but your day is not over yet. You still have a bunch of work to get done, so you fire up your laptop and try to sign into Canvas. But something is wrong.news (The Huntington News)
@Maddie It's a thing ISPs here in Canada were doing a bunch until the CRTC (our equivalent of the FCC) told them to stop.
A lot of them kept doing it though because proving they were was difficult.
Jonathan Lamothe likes this.
How to get prescribed ADHD medication in the Netherlands, a guide based on real world success:
1) spend over a year repeatedly trying to tell the GP that it’s not going well and you need help. This will not cost you money, only your precious finite time on this earth. It helps if you have a husband to drag you to the doctor when you’re at your lowest and argue with them
2) finally get escalated to a psychologist who takes a few months to be sure there’s definitely something wrong. She will recommend the GP to prescribe ADHD medication
3) Your prescription mysteriously disappears into the system. After several attempts to follow up that take months, and several confused phone calls from your psychologist to the GP, it turns out the GP refuses to authorize it because *shrug* reasons. Maybe if a psychiatrist also signs off on it?
4) You attempt to get an appointment with a psychiatrist. Every psychiatrist in the Netherlands is booked until 2034.
5) Finally, after a dozen rounds of pleading and nagging, you get a mysterious phone call from an unknown number. They give you an address and tell you to be there at 7 in the evening.
6) You find yourself at the door of a historic art deco mansion in the most exclusive district of Amsterdam. There is absolutely no indication that this is a medical practice. You ring the doorbell. Nothing happens. You wait nervously, and try again.
7) The door creaks open. An elderly man wearing crocs stands before you. He silently bids you follow him up a winding staircase to a parlor filled with a thousand thick and aging books in every tongue of the earth and perhaps a few also of the angels. They concern prophecy, and music, and poetry, and the apocalypse.
8) In a thin whisper of a voice barely to be heard, he asks your name, and where you were born. He slowly, very slowly, so slowly that you think you have died and this is purgatory, types this into a computer. It is in his lap because his desk is covered with strange devices beyond identification.
9) He tells you the prescription will be ready for pickup tomorrow.
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amused by how many people are replying/quoting with, like "yeah it's the same here, it sucks" without commenting on the visitation from the angel attempting mortal guise
my fault for not opening with that I guess 😂
In the United States this process is much simpler, shorter, and quicker.
1. Doctor prescribes the medication, and 2. Insurance company denies it because it's not medically necessary.
Good grief. Now, let's see if the Rx actually shows up.....
(Wrestling stuff out of Dutch GPs should be an Olympic-level endurance sport... )
In Germany my mom got my diagnosis as a child and somehow I only needed to go to a neuro psychiatrist, fill out a form, get an EKG and then I got my meds. I have no idea how hard or easy it is to get that if you haven't been diagnosed yet.
Now my biggest hurdle is to get a new prescription because i have to go in person and the doctor is only there at very inconvenient times. And because it is classified as a narcotic I HAVE TO do it myself.
Psychologist at step 2? The profession that _does not diagnose nor prescribes medicine_?
Go to Poland to get diagnosed. Ask for the diagnosis in English. Use it to skip to the end of the process in the Netherlands.
Will probably end up saving money that way.
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I am so sorry this is what you have to go through.
It's a similar tale over here in the U.S., but to varying degrees in some pain points than others.
I managed to get a psychologist's diagnosis of ADHD in Germany in a walk-in session, no appointment, completely by luck and partly because the online form he usually gives as a preliminary is in German, and I don't down German very well, so he did the assessment then and there in English. That was in 2022.
Since then I've made a few attempts at getting a referral from my GP to bring to a prescribing psychiatrist, but I have yet to find one who is taking new patients and the German medic system is confusing to me.
Also, I'm anyway a bit nervous about taking those medications because I've a history of addiction issues with meth/amphetamine...
@confluency This sounds very close to my experience. Especially the 'all psychiatrists booked up' thing. Even with a pre-existing diagnosis, it took 3 full years to get into the queue for getting a medication prescription.
Does ADHD centraal still exist? It was a private facility that did a kind of 1 stop diagnosis and medication shop, but was seen as purely money making and medically dodgy. I never went but did recommend to parents of already diagnosed kids a few times.
1/2
EDIT: I agree with the majority! I'll use this to attempt to convince the powers that be to improve the situation in some way, as best I can. Thanks folks!
Does autoplay of a muted video in the background of a website bother you? Like as a decorative/design element behind the content.
If yes, let me know the effect it has and how it makes you feel (in the moment, about the website, about the company, etc)
Answer honestly (idk why you wouldn't but I feel compelled to say that)
boost so I can get more data pls
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@dyani 🫠 My server doesn't support polls so I can't vote, but I'll comment. I use older devices. The web is already so bloated that it frequently brings my browser to its knees. Video is usually unnecessarily burdensome on older hardware when it's already juggling so many other things.
I don't mind it being there, but let me decide if I want to play it.
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Rob Vincent 🎙️, tian2992, Willow (she/her), dyani 🫠, jevvv🇳🇿 and babble encat like this.
yes it's both visually distracting and an annoying waste of bandwidth for no purpose >🙁
autoplay muted video has its place in content that i actually want to see, but not in the background
(and animated ads can just FOAD)
@brooke Right, when I started my own reply, I was thinking of bandwidth as well as distraction. Then I myself got distracted researching just where motion detection starts (in the retinas, like I'd thought) and forgot about the bandwidth issue. (And also ran out of characters.)
Anyway, yes, it wastes bandwidth in addition to the distraction! Thank you for reminding me.
My pet peeve regarding website video seems to be the little box of a video that you never started nor want to pay attention to, that follows you as you scroll down the article.
If I had started the video and it decides to follow me around it's not a problem.
----
That said (reading some comments made me understand the original idea better) animations are generally distracting and having like a short video clip just for the sake of making the site feel "alive" is not a good idea imo.
it's a very quick shorthand to communicate "I don't care about your internet bandwidth or your attention self-moderation. It's about what *I*, John Q. Website, want."
It's the easiest thing in the world to wait for a cue that the user specifically wants the video to play, and the website *knows* they don't have that consent, or they wouldn't have muted it. They know. So it's about seeing how far they can push boundary they're aware of.
I frequently get visual migraines... when things move around on a website I am incredibly annoyed and more often than not as soon as something moves I close the site.
For me it's an accessibility thing, and it makes me feel like the company doesn't give a shit about people tbh.
I find it distracting, like with anything else that is at the edge of my perception trying to get my attention and that I haven’t activated, when I’m trying to do something.
In the case of video it also kind of shows a disregard for my situation. I could be under a phone data plan that I didn’t want to waste on random video streams. @sindarina
How it makes me feel in the moment varies.
If I am okay health wise, and at my computer, I am annoyed, since I have video play turned off in my browser.
If I have a migraine, it may mean I have to go lay down in a dark room instead of at least reading.
On my ipad is worse. I often use my ipad in the dining room, and I don' know what that video is, and don't want other people to see it thinking I approve of it. (Sorry too many in game ads have been XXX rated lately).
I have often left sites if they have a video, especially if the video pops out and follows the mouse around the screen.
Unless I am on a physical therapy site, or YouTube, I am almost never looking for video.
Ten degrees of vision, hearing loss, and migraines do that to you.
Muted is better than not muted (looking at you, news websites) but unless you're a video site and I went looking, autoplay is still bad manners.
I find it annoying at best, distracting and frustrating at worst, like the site owner feels they have to rattle something shiny at me instead of allowing me to focus on the text block I came for.
If I can't close the autoplay video or make it stop, I have been known to either leave and find the information elsewhere, or locate its DOM element and block it programatically.
Yes, it bothers me because there's *motion happening*. Our eyes are literally hardwired to detect motion (like, there are cells *in the retina* that detect motion before the impulses even make it to the brain!). That makes motion very difficult to ignore.
If I wanted to watch a video, I'd have clicked on something that looked like a play button. If I didn't do that, I don't want the site playing video. It pisses me off, and if I can't make it stop, I'll just leave.
i dont want anything to autoplay muted or not UNLESS its a video watching site and I explicitlyclicked the video. I also do not i want the video to follow me as a I scroll.
If the article is text based, keep the video optional
anger at wasting my bandwidth, especially if I'm on my mobile data on my phone, which in South Africa is not cheap.
That's followed by bewilderment at who would find it a useful addition to a webpage.
frustrated, annoyed, Yet Another Thing that I want to turn off but cannot.
I would avoid the website unless forced.
The only exception that I've come across are well designed pixel gif loops in a background, where the movement is limited to usually a corner of the screen, maybe some things like a shooting star rarely, and not distracting, just fun. Doesn't have to be pixel art specifically but that's what it mostly is.
But specifically muted videos have never been a good experience. I also get frustrated that I have been loading /that/ on my machine. Sometimes it lags the entire webpage, too.
i usually immediately close the page. Elements like that are viscerally uncomfortable to me - they're intensely distracting; they make it fucking impossible to concentrate on the actual content; and I feel great resentment towards the company and the designer for having inflicted this on me when I was just trying to access information that I, presumably, needed.
It's a huge insult to anyone with adhd or on a low-bandwidth connection.
yes, it bothers me quite a bit. In brief:
Such autoplay videos makes it basically impossible for me to use the website. Best case scenario (from website point of view) is that I get very annoyed and find a way to stop the video. Worst case (common) is that I just close the page right away.
My browser is set up to tell the website that I don’t like/deal well with motion (via the CSS reduce motion property) so there is no excuse for that kind of behaviour.
PS I consider it a severe accessibility problem with such videos.
Something moving on one part of the screen makes it pretty much impossible for me to look at, read or pay attention to any other part.
If I can't stop it, close it, scroll it away or cover it with my hand, I generally just abandon that site.
Absolutely intolerable, and I immediately leave the site
Like most people on this planet, I access the internet on a device with minimal computational power, on a network with minimal bandwidth
My computer can simply can't handle playing a background audio or video file and also scroll smoothly or handle clicks on the web page
I also might be trying to view the page in an environment where flickering light or sound would bother other people or critters. Or me
And, the biggest reason of all: It's consent violation
yes it bothers me because (as far as I know) even small movement like a video playing will negate lots of power saving features. So it will keep the CPU and or GPU busy and eat battery slash power while it's visible. Plus accessibility concerns
I usually make freakishly barren web pages for print-friendliness. My worst pages look like income tax forms, but they load fast and run great
Oh! Also, since video is Big, a background video will either waste your server's bandwidth, or 🧵
or it will mess up your viewer's privacy by making them hit a CDN
So... Personally not a fan
Absolutely not bothered unless it is an advertisement. Also, sometimes I’m okay with audio at the same time as I scroll. It just needs to smoothly mute/unmute as one video is out of frame and another is in.
In a perfect world, the autoplay will have subtitles so I can read some content without having to unmute.
Anyone complaining should just be directed to tuning their browser settings to ignore autoplay.
It's distracting, and it makes me think that the website's owner cares more about making the site look like it has a high production value than about efficient communication. Unless the website has a specifically artistic purpose (e.g. it's an in-browser video game or a humor site or something), I generally am accessing the site with a specific purpose in mind, e.g. looking for particular pieces of information or filling out a form. A background video does nothing but distract me and possibly slow the page's load time.
I feel similarly about that thing some news sites started doing a few years ago, where scrolling down on a long form news article plays an animation rather than actually scrolling. It feels like a gimmick that just disorients me and makes it hard to "find my place" again if I have to pause reading and come back to it later. (Here's an example of what I mean from The Onion: theonion.com/the-best-books-to…)
I honestly hate it because if I visit a website for written content, I don't want to be bothered by a video (muted or otherwise). I use extensions to block this garbage...It tells me a lot about sites that choose to try to evade my blocking software.
That they are SEOmaxxing peeps who don't care about my desires, CPU, or bandwidth. They want to grow into a massive digital presence to snuff out any competition. Its nasty behavior.
I regard it the same way I regard in-game ads that don't default to muted. More often than not, I'm in a public place when I'm scrolling (or gaming) on my phone, and I don't like disturbing those around me with sudden, unexpected blasts of noise, especially in the restroom.
Also, for the record (and PLEASE pass this along to others in charge of such things), I consider videos/ads that cannot actually be muted as a hate crime.
So, when I notice a video is playing, muted, I have to do two things if its some content I want to see - I have to unmute AND rewind. I see this so often on news sites where I am more often than not visiting specifically to see the video.
If its just some design element, then it is entirely a distraction from actually reading the content. Especially if its playing behind the content in some way to make the content difficult to read.
if something on a page moves without me initiating it, then I'm highly likely to just close that window and never come back. I will probably never think highly of that organisation again.
Anyone not respecting a user's "prefers-reduced-motion" preferences when present these days is making a deliberate choice.
it bothers me when I'm using an #epaper screen, because that doesn't handle videos well. (But then, it also doesn't handle certain websites with too much in-between grey)
Not quite what you asked but on a related note, I am bothered by muted autoplaying of regular videos, regardless of which screen I'm on, because of the environmental impact (transmitting so much data, etc.). But if it's just a short loop as a decorative element and I'm on a regular screen I think that'd be fine/fun
I don't think I never not notice moving images…
my parents always have the TV on in their house, and even if it was decidedly something I don't care about, it kept me distracted — and it hasn't changed in the 25 years since moving out of my parents' house
anyway, i think i just got distracted thinking about why get distracted by moving images, so you got a TMI.
Even when muted the movement pulls my attention from the text that I'm interested in
It's like a fly that keeps buzzing your face while you're reading & no amount of shooing will make it go away
My first hand-coded 1990s website had tiled animated GIF backgrounds.
I've spend the decades since trying to live a positive-enough life to counteract the bad karma that earned me.
Remember 100 years ago when radiation was new and exciting and poorly understood, and companies were putting radiation into everything?
Thankfully we learned our lesson and will never make that mistake again.
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@ZenHeathen
Radium is just but one element on the periodic table, all isotopes of which being highly unstable. There's noting evil nor good about it.
The things the tech bros name their "creations" after are deliberately constructed as such evils.
@JonSaenzAgirre @datenwolf @ZenHeathen
Gamma sounds too cool though...
Radon is just a nuisance 🤣🙃
@datenwolf @ZenHeathen Not sure if you say it for Palantir but these objects are not inherently evil in the silmarillion and are in fact created by an elf
(yes I'm a big tolkien nerd)
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I remember getting shoes fitted with this.
remeber 50 years ago when asbestos was new and exiting and poorly understood, and companies were putting asbestos into everything?
Thankfully we learned our lesson and will never make that mistake again.
Remember 100 years ago when radiation was new and exciting and poorly understood, and companies were putting radiation into everything?Thankfully we learned our lesson and will never make that mistake again.
@KF7CCC Andrew @Chris Ammerman Guaranteed to kill all insects and vermin.
...well, it will do that, yes.
like this
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the thing is, radiations wasn't that poorly understood. factory bosses worked out that it was harmful when lots of their workers who were exposed to it a lot kept coming down sick with the same symptoms. they just surpressed the information for as long as they could, because people finding out would be bad for business
just like how fossil fuel companies were the first to discover global warming and made sure to proactively spread misinformation about it
Auf YouTube findest du die angesagtesten Videos und Tracks. Außerdem kannst du eigene Inhalte hochladen und mit Freunden oder gleich der ganzen Welt teilen.The Thought Emporium (YouTube)
Yeah we are totally doing the equivalent of painting radium on to our teeth at the moment. Just digtially & globally. What could go wrong.Picture Bandit (Mastodon)
Quick, give him the drug that breaks down not knowing English
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"Oh no! It's on a collision course. What course should I take?"
You're a fighter pilot in space! I'm sure you've got room to maneuver on your own in an emergency. #monsterdon
"He appears to be humanoid and very intelligent."
You can tell that just by looking at him? #monsterdon
His eyes. So dreamy...😍
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How are we respirating while they're talking! That's what I wanna know.
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I am not against AI, because "AI" is such an ill-defined term as to be nearly meaningless, so being either for or against it would be nonsensical.
That said, LLMs are a cancer. I am very much against LLMs.
I would like to have a new electric car but the whole data collection part is the main thing keeping me away from it.
So I liked this article quite a lot. Forgot where I found it, likely here somewhere on the fediverse...
arkadiyt.com/2026/05/13/removi…
Modern cars are computers on wheels that send home nonstop telemetry about you. In this post I remove my 2024 RAV4 Hybrid's modem and GPS to prevent that :)arkadiyt.com
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I guess the only way is to update an oldtimer to electro. All modern ones will come with EU-Flightrecorder.
youtube.com/watch?v=8-rN8sZaDJ…
Auf YouTube findest du die angesagtesten Videos und Tracks. Außerdem kannst du eigene Inhalte hochladen und mit Freunden oder gleich der ganzen Welt teilen.SWR Doku (YouTube)
@bebna I have seen that and like that a lot. From the new cars my favorite is a BMW neue Klasse 3er. I could see getting that and replacing the antenna connectors just with resistors.
I am not sure if I would want an old cat just with electric motors.
Thanks for the link, very educative!
When people will understand that to trade their whole life for the convenience of knowing if there is an obstruction on the road is not a great deal?
@GustavinoBevilacqua Yes, from a philosophical point of view rather like road signs warning of "falling rocks".
I mean, what can you really do to save yourself if a sufficiently large rock lands on the roof of you car right above your seat?
Definitely do not want a modern car, irrespective of driveline because of data collection issues.
I'm using a PinePhone as I do not like the data collection issues, walled gardens and other issues such as data sovereignty associated with Apple or Google's offerings so why on earth would I want a car with CarPlay or Android Auto in it?
Or the car manufacturers own version of such things?
Or closed source engine and brake management systems? Or always on internet access?
@the_wub I don't want the data collecting, the always on, the constant monitoring so in case of an accidents the manufacturer can proof is not his fault.
I would prefer open source on the software but especially when it comes to stuff like engine management that's not very high on my list.
I like the accident detection and alarming but if buy that third party and just put that on the car.
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The new Behind the Bastards podcast on "AI" as an historical bastard is 👍👍👍
They mention that they go after art & writing because they're the 2 most common things people share on the internet, and thus the best for convincing regular people that it's "doing something"...
Very interesting analysis of the hype & marketing of shatbots [sic], worth the listen!
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Nelson
in reply to Em • • •Starlight Network No-AI List
noai.starlightnet.workAmandine
in reply to Nelson • • •Dźwiedziu
in reply to Nelson • • •@skyfaller
So much new software to try ^_^J
@Em0nM4stodon @meganL
Gabriele Svelto
in reply to Em • • •Project:Council/AI policy - Gentoo wiki
wiki.gentoo.orggod damn gremlin
in reply to Em • • •i know alpine has a no ai policy for the things that are alpine-specific (apk and all that powers it). I think they concluded it would be impractical to ban all vibe-coded software from package repos because of how many existing packages that would leave unmaintained
gitlab.alpinelinux.org/alpine/…
gitlab.alpinelinux.org/alpine/…
Hey Gus
in reply to Em • • •Debian decides not to decide on AI-generated contributions
LWN.netmirabilos🐈⬛
in reply to Em • • •technomancy
in reply to Em • • •as far as I can tell there are zero distros which have a policy against shipping packages that contain LLM-generated code; the best I have been able to find are policies around refusing LLM-generated contributions to distro-specific packaging code
I posted a thread with my findings here a few days ago: hey.hagelb.org/@technomancy/st…
Rhys
in reply to Em • • •👇
@elementary & @danirabbit
Octorine
in reply to Em • • •Fiona
in reply to Em • • •AI Policy - Policies and Processes
docs.postmarketos.orgell1e coding things
in reply to Em • • •Concerns about AI code in the kernel
lore.kernel.orgKerplunk
in reply to Em • • •antixforum.com/forums/topic/an…
Gist
antiX will do its best to avoid ai inclusions.
Discussions are ongoing on what might be acceptable, for example some usage in translations with human checks following. Deepl being one such translation engine that works well with a limited number of languages.
Willow
in reply to Em • • •"But I don't think
dealing with this requires any new policies. I think it's a fairly
obvious point of Debian collaboration that no one should deluge their
fellow project members in low-quality garbage, and if that starts
happening, I think we have adequate mechanisms to complain and ask that it
stop without making new policy."
I think saying "we never allowed it in the first place so this is not a question" is ultimately a good point 
Arthfach 🐻
in reply to Em • • •Nyan Max
in reply to Em • • •GNU Guix transactional package manager and distribution — GNU Guix
guix.gnu.orgKiwiTB
in reply to Em • • •Chris Green
in reply to Em • • •Yet another Josh
in reply to Em • • •so, a "no tools" policy?
LLMs are a tool. And if people are NOT being responsible for their tools, then its a person problem.
Blaming a large vector array is pretty dumb, tbh.