I keep wanting to resurrect my homemade 8-bit CPU project (heavily inspired by Ben Eater's breadbord computer). One of the changes I want to make is to have a variable speed clock module that you have to manually turn a crank to run. The faster you crank, the higher the clock speed.
Is this practical? Not in the slightest. It would be really cool though.
If you want to play the game of making fake "security scan" announcements over your PA system, it might add to their credibility if they didn't sound like they were made by a professional voice actor in a recording studio.
"In order to make it to the first interview, you will need to perform a take-home assignment. You will perform an emergency underwater TIG weld on an oil platform within the next week on a 15 minute timer. We expect you to provide your own equipment, material and your own oil platform".
@Alda Vigdís That reminds me of an eight hour interview I did with a certain well-known company. They then turned around and instead bought out the company I used to work for.
@me Like I've said elsewhere in this thread, companies are known for setting up sham job interviews to gather intelligence on their competitors. In this case they may have been using you to research a potential acquisition.
As a nuclear engineer, I have never been asked to show my portfolio of reactor designs I maintain in my free time, I have never been asked to derive the six-factor formula, the quantization of angular momentum, Brehmsstrahlung, or to whiteboard gas centrifuge isotopic separation, water hammer, hydrogen detonation, or cross-section resonance integrals.
There's something deeply wrong with an industry that presumes you're a fraud unless repeatedly and performatively demonstrated otherwise and treats the hiring process as a demented form of 80s-era fraternity hazing.
big difference is that nuclear engineering is regulated and has mandatory ceritications and licenses, which show you have the skills required. While certifications exist in the software world, they're not the same unfortunately...
That being said, take home assignments and all that are terrible metrics in interviews.
@projectmoon I have no certifications or licenses beyond that of a college degree. People self-select into these sorts of high integrity regulated careers - frauds get found out really fast due to the work process, it's a small industry, and unless you're a high-up exec there's not enough money here to make it worth the effort. Tech-wise it's no more or less demanding than software but the work is substantially more consequential. Why go through all that abuse just to spend your days gluing together frameworks to build yet another pointless and disposable website?
I don't disagree, really. I went through this at the beginning of 2024. Some companies have insane requirements. I know my skill levels. The places I got hired by didn't have take-home tests. They did have discussions about personal projects, though. And in one I showed off some code I had already written. I think that's far enough, as it gives the interviewer insight into what motivates you and how you approach things. Short of some kind of regulatory framework and nationally-administered software engineering licenses, I don't really see an alternative. Part of finding an employee is making sure they can do what you're hiring them for. Take-home tests or live coding exercises are a stupid way to do it. Discussion of a relevant business problem with maybe light pseudo-code, yes perhaps.
I don't know. I really can't think of a better way...
@projectmoon @arclight I've ended up using take-home exercises because quite a lot of candidates didn't have a public portfolio to discuss. Where a portfolio or project exists, I love to discuss it, but early career people, people who work for companies that make it hard to open source even your personal passion projects, or people who don't have free time to write software outside their jobs, all these people tend to lack a suitable project to discuss. This makes the hiring process suck for everyone involved 😞
@glitzersachen Well, much of trial lawyers' work is usually public, and rumoured about. So, at least some lawyers often do have a sort of 'portfolios'. And until relatively recently, it was commonplace in most legal systems to, as a professional courtesy, arrange that lawyers who, perhaps just beginning out in a corporate lawshop, ended up doing much 'quiet' work, would occasionally also get to do litigation, which is often seen as a more valuable kind of lawyering than, say, writing test cases to a complicated contract exactly because of the visibility. (The 'relatively recently' clause concerns the "paralegal" career track of some legal systems, which nowadays can often do much the "low-grade" lawyers' work, but without litigation privileges, and thus, without the tenure track.)
Not all legal work is in trials. I suppose most of it isn't any BTW there are also the confidential parts of a file (client/lawyer consultations and notes) that are not public.
> The 'relatively recently' clause concerns the "paralegal" career
@glitzersachen @riley @vla22 @projectmoon @arclight Back where I'm from, if you don't have sufficient family connections, you'll be stuck in the public sector denying visas or at a collection agency until you pass the High Court bar exam.
In Germany, it's seems to be kind of routine for lawyers' websites to explicitly say that under the law that regulates lawyers' payment, it's categorically prohibited for a lawyer to offer any free legal advice.
I haven't yet figured out if pro bono is a thing in Germany, or if, maybe, there's some special twist for this in the law.
> prohibited for a lawyer to offer any free legal advice
But, AFAIK the fee is negotiable. There are sites that provide consultation for a fee as low as 50.- EUR.
> if pro bono is a thing in Germany, or if, maybe, there's some special twist for this in the law.
My understanding -- IANAL, though -- that the RDG has specific provision for law students providing pro bono legal advice under supervision of a qualified legal professional.
@glitzersachen These are generally called 'legal clinics' in English. They're useful, but they can necessarily only deal with relatively routine matters. Classic pro bono involves an already fully licenced, and often, rather experienced, lawyer working on a case that is significant — which often means, in some ways, complicated — without charge.
So my partner and I do Instacart to help make ends meet. We have supposedly opted out of heavy orders,* and yet we were assigned an order with three cases (40 x 500mL) of water. That's 60kg (assuming negligible packaging weight).
This begs the question: what exactly is their threshold for what is considered a "heavy order"?
* because they don't pay anywhere near enough for us to destroy our bodies like that.
EDIT: The solution was simple but "bonus points" for anyone that can explain why my method didn't work.
ORIG:
I would like an org-mode-custom-command to display an agenda which is only made from the
I am using many different org mode files for various projects, and I rev them by adding the date to the filename eg filename-2020-09-17.org. I realize I could use version control but in this case t...
"If the current buffer is in Org mode and visiting a file, you can also first press ‘<’ once to indicate that the agenda should be temporarily (until the next use of ‘SPC o a’) restricted to the current file. Pressing ‘<’ twice means to restrict to the current subtree or region (if active). "
In other words, execute org-agenda then press "<" before the command you want to run against the agenda.
A colleague pointed out today that we’ve spent decades convincing developers not to mix data and instruction streams because of the huge security concerns.
Then LLMs come along and basically wrap an eval() around anything anyone types.
Lately, things around the apartment have been failing in ways I didn't even know could happen. I had to pick up a new shower head because the old one exploded while I was in the shower yesterday (clocking me in the head in the process).
I'm beginning to think this apartment has it in for me.
"Sideloading" is the rentseeker word for "being able to run software of your choosing on a computing device you purchased". There is no reasonable case for an operating system developer having a say over what programs you run on your hardware.
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I agree in spirit, but man... Its only 50% rentseeking... My elderly parents and computer illiterate siblings and coworkers would get in trouble fast if they weren't constrained by 3 software platforms: mint software manager, android play, and MS whatchamacallit. I have pounded it into their heads: never download software candy from strangers. (I live in an anti-apple pocket of the world)
But then, i guess all three of those do let you do your own thing to varying degrees.
Imagine buying something from a local store instead of amazon was called "sideshopping" and there's a massive campaign to delegitimize buying items from stores not approved by amazon. Completely absurd. Why accept that exact ideology when it comes to installing software on your phone?
the review process at Google can be a PITA, but for a good reason. Permissions to access more than an app really needs can be exploited for harvesting private information on a seemless update that most won't even notice. Side loaded apps downloaded from say APK mirror can have been tampered with using smali edits and you won't know. What Google should do is certified dev signing keys to trace and confirm if an APK is legit or not and coming from the actual dev, regardless of being side loaded.
Once you’ve bought the hardware, it’s yours, not a lease where the vendor still dictates your choices. Calling it sideloading makes it sound like something shady, when it’s just freedom to install what you want.
Google is selling the sideloading-ban as a measure to enhance security. But would this “security measure” also affect app stores that are already more secure than Google’s Play Store, like @fdroidorg ?
the whole case of why I've always had an Android phone: I'm a dev, if I want something I can write and install it.
I almost never do of course, but it's completely fucked up for Google to expect me to register an account with their service to receive their blessed key material in order to install my stupid side project on my own device
Google is actually brilliant here. Unlike Apple, they don't need to manufacture all the devices. They can just create a software walled garden on anything running their OS.
word. And yet a German court recently decided against ad blockers ... apparently they are a copyright violation, or some such non-sense. Maybe we should flow with it and charge them for the use of display surface?
I like Samsung's Auto Blocker. It runs my phone in pure mode with everything locked down and secure. But with flip of a switch and fingerprint scan, I can use Dev tools or sideload apps. Then flip it back and all of it still works. I'd be furious if this was the only way.
on one side, how different is what Google is proposing from what Mozilla has been doing with side-loaded extensions, which they have to certificate even if you host them yourself?
on the other side, why did I see no one complaining about the Mozilla stance on this?
I'd argue there's a critical reason besides rent-seeking: security.
It's a genuine conflict between user rights and the need to protect the average person. Phones hold our banking apps, 2FA tokens, mics, cameras, and countless secrets.
When a sideloaded app steals data, the user doesn't say, "My sideloaded app failed." They say, "My Android/iPhone got hacked." The OS developer takes the blame.
Android's approach—allowing it, but behind a clear security warning—seems like a decent compromise in this difficult balancing act.
Amen! And then there's my cars infotainment center that I can't even sideload!
Edit: I'm sure there are some absurdly smart people here who could tear apart the dash board and hard wire into the computers pinout to do it. But that's a little beyond my capabilities.
I agree: if someone buys a "computer" or a general purpose device, your point certainly holds.
But on the other side of a fine line I imagine (perhaps older) game consoles: when the original Nintendo came out, that company was not expected to help you run Atari software on their hardware.
They'd not prevent it - if you could figure out it, good on you. But Nintendo shouldn't be expected to make that work.
Not-supporting versus actively-preventing is the key difference for me.
I did not know of this word. It sounds a bit like the word ”jaywalking” which was invented by car companies to shame pedestrians into getting out of the way.
This is crazy because even on iPhones it's perfectly possible to install applications that are not approved by Apple in any way, by regular users with no privileges. It's a hassle (at least initially) and it has limitations, but the fact that you can and you won't be able to do the same on Android is crazy.
There's also no reasonable case for an OS developer or app developer to have a say over whether I can have root access to my own device. Yet there are a whole shit-load of things I can't do on my phone because it is rooted.
As someone who developed operating systems for 50 years I know that there are reasonable cases; but, as none are relevant to Google’s latest behavior, I will not elaborate.
Since a mobile device is mostly a general purpose system you should be able to run any software that doesn’t violate laws and it’s not the OS vendor’s responsibility to enforce laws except those regulating the radios in the device.
IMO the only long-term solution to this is Android getting completely separated from Google. The "annoy users into submission" approach they take with Play Protect right now is already very much overstepping.
It is known that sideloading is a real risk for most of Android users*
*The bad guy comes to your home, enable ADB debug, you let him connect your phone, you give him your pin, you let him few moment to load a naughty apk (bring coffees) and VOILÀ ! 🔥
BTW I had today to clean a fully stock up to date Android (you even can install bank app on) because of a "legit" Play Store bloatware setup'd lots of other adware apks 👍
Those who make these decisions have goals to make as much profit as possible. And in fact we get a regression. Debian is the friendliest system for civil society.
This list of replies is a hilarious string of people pretending that they’ve never looked at someone’s Windows machine *so completely fucked up with malware and viruses that the owner just blithely clicked on and installed* that the only solution was to nuke it from space and *buy a whole new computer*
For a good fifteen years the number one reason for tossing perfectly good hardware and buying a newer Win PC was virus/malware infestation. Might still be, I have no idea.
at this point I just want a fucking slab that lets me call from Linux.
I want postmarketOS on an AMD Ryzen with only 64bits (dump the 32, make a bloody atom ryzen you cowards), and a pure-64 Steam build. I want a slab that lets me play anime games if I bloody want to. And deploy a Linux fleet management solution. AND JUST LET ME DO MY THING.
Ma and Pa _need_ some form of sandbox. Sandboxing should be optional. But some form of sandboxing should exist when non-tech people will use computers.
I remember when the ability to run a wide variety of programs on a given piece of hardware was actually strong selling point. Like with my first computer, a Commodore 128 - you could run BASIC AND CP/M.
Especially as this newest move of Google is redundant: play protect is already built in all Google play services using phones.
It already flashed and remains suspicious Appa and known malware from all sources.
So how exactly is locking down the signing keys for apps that are allowed to run at all and connecting them with government ID for developers helping security?
counter-point: run your software outside this rentseekers sandbox then. it’s absolutely a bad look for them if something happens to you while in their ecosystem (randsomware, malware, identity theft, etc.)
just because you own the physical memory registers doesn’t mean you’re ever making use of them without this rentseekers work and IP.
exactement , a croire qu'ils veulent tous faire des systèmes totalement fermé et intrusifs. Je me demande parfois s'il ne cherchent pas a dévelloper le hacking autour de leur Os ..
sideloading is a bullshit word made up to make doing what you want with what you own sound more scary. Let's call it what it has always been called on PC.
Got another spambot requesting registration on my server. This was the masterpiece they included in their request:
Hello, I’m excited to join this community. I value respectful, meaningful conversations and aim to contribute positively. My interests include [briefly list relevant topics or hobbies], and I’m looking forward to connecting with like-minded people here. Thank you for your time in reviewing my application.
@Kevin Karhan Registration on this server is only open to friends and family.* There is a very prominent notice to that effect on the registration page.
* I don't have the resources to run a server that's open to the public.
Any Waterloo folk want to talk about sovereign tech? I think we should do a sovereign tech meetup. This stuff is feeling really important and so I'm starting to think.
@Bob Jonkman But like - literally - I'm thinking we grab a patio spot at like - the Piper Arms or somewhere simple? And do a meetup? Labour Day feels like it would be symbolic but busy?
I think it is a good conversation and I am going to follow you for your thoughts about it, but I cannot do meetups with any level of consistency these days. I know extremely little, but am interested in getting my stuff off of US servers.
@Rob Drimmie Hey! I don't know if I can say much! But I'm mostly just trying to figure out what kind of conversations we as tech workers can have to improve the situation. All my stuff is hosted from my house though so I'd love to talk.
(We talked many years ago when I was working for for Athena Software if you recall! Hello!)
@Stephen Childs I'm thinking I'm going to suggest a time in early September, find a restaurant, and get some core questions and figure out what people want to talk about
With #3DPrinting being so accessible and #PCB manufacturing being reasonably inexpensive, I wonder how much I'm underestimating how difficult it would be to design and build a fully #FOSS #game console. I'm thinking something reminiscent of the #NES; I'm not trying to compete with modern consoles.
Auf YouTube findest du die angesagtesten Videos und Tracks. Außerdem kannst du eigene Inhalte hochladen und mit Freunden oder gleich der ganzen Welt teilen.
Auf YouTube findest du die angesagtesten Videos und Tracks. Außerdem kannst du eigene Inhalte hochladen und mit Freunden oder gleich der ganzen Welt teilen.
Auf YouTube findest du die angesagtesten Videos und Tracks. Außerdem kannst du eigene Inhalte hochladen und mit Freunden oder gleich der ganzen Welt teilen.
@Digit At the moment, I'm very broke and my executive function sucks since I'm off ADHD meds, so it'll probably take forever for me to finish, but It's something I want to do.
It does look like someone's beaten me to it, but I'm not trying to be the first, just to enjoy the challenge.
And indeed. It's the adventure, the learning, the creating, more than the having.
(and yeah, I hear ya on the executive functioning fails... I've never yet had medication for my ADHD (not even officially diagnosed), this place is a mess... and yet, when the idea struck, and I followed the inspiration, the whim, at the start of this month, much to my astonishment, I made a fin, from zero to proof of concept, in less than a week, and development continues... ks392457.kimsufi.com/drnw/fin.… | codeberg.org/Digit/fin/ | youtu.be/dhJaNQi8400 😮 ... So it happens when it happens. #ADHD -> #VAST 😁 )
Looking for somebody with executive function and a driver's license with the ability to bring some grounding kindness to a burned out autistic trying to get her blazing dumpster fire back down to a smolder.
Need help with all sorts of adulting, my cog is just fried. Pretty flex just need extra brains and body. Pay $20/hr 5-10hr/wk. #Guelph area
☝️also if yer in the Guelph area and think, hey that Valerie would be pretty cool to hang out with, boop me. The social isolation has been a huge drain on my energy, I find I perk up quite a bit around kind, authentic, loving people (aka you lot). So could definitely use a meatspace kindness fix.
@pascaline aw.. wow that is so kind to just drop in and say. Melts mah lil heart. 🥰
I'm gonna focus on meatspace right now, but may circle back to stuff like this.
In the meantime, if yer not hip to @lonelinesscorps it's a group for anybody that wants to connect online one way or another. Battling social isolation one toot at a time. Might be interesting for ya.
Thanks 😊 I know how bad it all can feel, and how draining. I am glad my words made you smile. Get better if you can, get well, and by 'well' I mean in the way that makes you happiest 😊 Thanks for the top, too ❤️
@Valerie Roney Guelph is closer than I expected, but still a little far for me (Kitchener). Also, my executive function is only moderate at best these days. Boosting for reach.
@me aw thanks Jonathan. And job posting aside, I am definitely looking for meatspace connections anywhere in the area, Kitchener isn't too far away, if ya wanna hang out sometime.
The skills trainer at the local meganationalconglomerized therapy place suggested a "Personal Care Attendant" apparently there's actually certification for that sort of thing. She said carina.org/ might have listings of PCAs looking for work. It requires a login, but I signed up and it seemed relatively straightforward.
@cy thanks. I've been through that sort of thing a few times and it just doesn't cough out the right kind of support for me. I don't fit.
I mostly need to connect with other beautiful weirdos to do the sort of stuff a competent friend would do. It changes all the time depending on how I am feeling. And right now I need big problem solver mode, care attendants are too structured a support.
@richpuchalsky As an ND living in an ND home, I can attest that there is often a significant and obvious "remediation of the physical environment" component to treating burnout.
If I were closer, I'd take you up on the job offer. Alas... I'm 4186 km away. Also, I'd offer up my oldest daughter who does want to move to Canada but alas, she doesn't have her driver's license yet.
@pussreboots Thanks! I am open to all sorts of things, driver's license would be very helpful, but nothing is crucial aside from someone grounded and kind. I need help with all the things, brain and body, company and problem solving. It's throw spaghetti at the wall and see what sticks time. Vid chat sometime would be nice. 💛
☝️ also also, I need local IT help. Lots of fiddly things like the OS boot order on my laptop (w Ubuntu). Helping set up and sort out a bunch of stuff on my android phone. Mostly stuff that would be easy peasy bits for somebody with those skills, but horribly grindy on my broken brain.
Can do as a fun social thing, or also happy to pay for the support, as I know just about everybody is struggling.
There's a program called grub customizer which will set your boot order. It's easy to use, but it's not the simplest to install because they don't have it just in the repo. Do a search on "install grub-customizer on Ubuntu xx.xx" using the version number of the Ubuntu you're using. The instructions will be simple cut and paste, but you will need the terminal. After it's installed, you can run it from your desktop.
@bardmoss that's very kind, but I don't have the reading comprehension to turn those words into concepts. Thus I am looking for someone in meatspace I can work with in person.
☝️yet another also: Also, for context, I moved to #Guelph 18mos ago, got covid on the way here, which wrecked me, and left me with weird brain injury.
Am deeply grateful for my online community (you lot✨) that kept me sane and filled up my soul while I was too ill to get out and meet new ppl and build a network here.
But now the lack of local connection is making lots of stuff hard, and lonely. So am throwing spaghetti at all the walls.
"So boop me, even if it's tangential to my asks." Okay, I'm taking you up on that! Would you be interested at all in a friendly Discord server for "disabled people with caregivers"? It doesn't require that you *have* a caregiver, just that you *need* some sort of support in that way, including informal.
My headmates and I have been a part of this server for about a year now, and we really like it. We've gotten help before in there with the wording of caregiver ads!
@fern this sounds awesome. I am desperate fpr meatspace connections, my online community is rich but I need something more visceral right now. Would love to boost this for others though if yer cool with that. Sounds like a great community.
@iwein aw thanks! I think it could be really awesome, with the right connection. Probably lots of people could use similar pairings. Spoonies needing a lil extra support, and folks looking to pick up a bit of community minded work that nourishes their soul a bit.
If you can find a copy of Cricket Draw, it will blow your mind what was possible back then. Kai’s Power Goo is also lots of fun. There was also a tool for creating 3D worlds, but I’m blanking on the name
Hey Fedi, I could use some help with this one. I'm in over my head.
We have an #Insignia portable #WashingMachine (model: NS-TWM16WH9). The agitator has suddenly stopped, well, agitating. It makes a buzzing sound as though the motor is being engaged, but no motion. A quick internet search identified a slipped belt as a plausible culprit, but I found what appears to be the belt at the botton of the machine, and it seems perfectly fine, though I don't know if it's perhaps the one that spins the drum (which is working fine).
It doesn't throw an error code, or give any other indication that the computer is even aware there is a problem.
Any ideas what else the issue could be? At the moment, I have it sitting unplugged as I don't know if there's a big ass capacitor in there, storing a charge waiting to strike me down when I go prodding, and to be honest, I'm decidedly in over my head on this one. At least it soesn't seem to require security bits though.
I'm sure it's out of warranty and we can't afford to replace. Any suggestions would be welcome. Boosts appreciated.
I never saw a washing with 2 belts (but I'm not saying the don't exist) so if the best is fine I'd look for exhausted brushes on the motor, which are two pieces of graphite that wears down and eventually have to be replaced. #repaircafe
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I would love it if people had the same level of "Wikipedia isn't always right, you know" skepticism about... literally all other sources, regardless of context.
It's so weird how for decades most people around me were like "whoa, gotta be careful, can't trust wikipedia" and now many of those same people are taking whatever AI cooks up hook, line, & sinker.
I'm beginning to think it was never about actual info quality or actual critical thinking.
!Friendica Support I've been having trouble following the user @hairylarry. My server throws an error that it can't find a published feed, however I am able to follow @screwlisp who is on the same server. I suppose it's technically possible that they've blocked me, but that would surprise me as we've interacted recently and I didn't discern any hint of any kind of problem.
To my knowledge the most canonical way to find something or someone on your home instance is to Search Paste without spaces: https ://gamerplus.org/@ hairylarry Whatever your instance returns is your instance's version of that link. @jerry @helpers @hairylarry
@screwlisp @Jerry on Friendica I managed to get it working. I'm really not sure what changed, but I think that @hairylarry following me first made a difference for some reason.
@screwlisp @Jerry on Friendica I managed to get it working. I'm really not sure what changed, but I think that @hairylarry following me first made a difference for some reason.
@jerry They actually both worked for me but with a different look. Without /deck the post was large and in the center. With /deck it was in the right column.
@uoou Yeah, I woke up to my mail client complaining that it hadn't been able to connect since about 1AM. Web interface was throwing an error after I supplied 2FA. Literally a couple minutes after I asked, the problem resolved itself.
Just throwing this out there, but does anyone happen to know of a good 찐빵 (jjinppang) recipe? I've been trying to find it for years. You'd think that for all the stores/restaurants specializing in Korean food in the area I'd have been able to find it, but no.
I'm sure I could google a recipe, but if I'm going to go to the trouble to make it (which I understand is somewhat extensive) I'd like to know I have a good recipe.
Made those (apparently) viral potato lentil burritos a couple days ago and they were amazing, so we made a giant stock pot's worth of filling to freeze in batches.
They're stupidly cheap, delicious, and really high in fibre (which we're old enough that we care about that kind of thing now).
@Boyd Stephen Smith Jr. I never trust stuff to stay online so I transcribed it (and linked the original). Here's a link in both PDF and markdown formats.
Welp, #Debian 13 is out. I wonder how long it'll take me to get around to upgrading. Every time I do, something always breaks. It's always fixable, but annoying.
Just had an appointment with my family doctor. Mostly good news, except for the fact that when we discussed finally being able to go back on #ADHD meds (which I had come off of because we were worried about them worsening another issue) he's going to want me to be re-evaluated for ADHD.
I can't wait to jump through those hoops again for the umpteenth time.
It kinda made sense when he took over for my old family doctor and my records hadn't been transferred over yet. All he had to go on was my word for it and a previous prescription bottle.
This guy hasn't liked me being on them from day one though, and has tried to get me off them on multiple occasions.
A couple of posts today made me think about the connection between masking and imposter syndrome, especially for those of us who have realised late that we are autistic. I have long believed that there are essentially two aspects to the way that we masked. Masking ourselves from the world and masking ourselves from ourselves and that both of these contributed to being able to stay below the radar of realising what we were for so long. But, perhaps, the most important one, was not the face we showed the world, mostly because I doubt if that was ever as good as we thought it was, but the mirror we learnt to see ourselves in.
That internal masking of ourselves can take many forms.
I thought it was just me.
But, everyone does it this way.
No one else is bothered, or even seems to be noticing. I must be just imagining it, or too sensitive. It can't be real.
I've tried talking about it, but no one took me seriously, they thought I was joking. It's obviously just me. I really must be broken, or mad.
I can't see myself anywhere, I can't be right.
I can't be this way, no one else is.
I must be wrong.
And so much else...
So much of it is denial and disbelieve, as much as anything, and it doesn't go away once we begin to realise the truth. It doesn't magically lose its power. It has to be faced and defeated as a deliberate act of de-masking, that, perhaps, never really ends, because we've carried and tended to it for too long. And, all the time, it is a voice of doubt and so-called reason in our minds that can fuel our imposter syndrome. That can make us doubt our journey, our revelations, our truth. Because that was always its job. It is the reason we created it. To mask ourselves from the truth. Because, it wasn't the truth we saw, or were able to accept.
This isn't to say, by any means, that it is the only bone our imposter syndrome will chew on. But, for those of us who are late realising our truth, it is perhaps a particularly meaty one. Because it has been with us for so long, our only answer to the darkness we lived in and the only world we could see.
so well put. When you talk of mirrors it strikes a chord. I hate them, and only use one if completely necessary. I have no real self image, and feel very disconnected with seeing or hearing myself. I wonder if it is connected somehow. Luckily my wife will tell me I need to flatten my hair or change a shirt to fit the occasion
@Aspiedan I suspect there is a connection. I can't say I'm overly fond of mirrors either. But then, if you barely received validation of who you were growing up, then expecting to see anything good is hardly likely. Whereas seeing the unflinching truth of yourself is.
@Aspiedan I went the other direction. I obsessively practiced in the mirror growing up so I’d know what different facial expressions felt like enough that I could replicate them by feel and include them in my scripts.
I don’t know if it’s any better or worse. I have no identity. Through my incredibly exhaustive observation of body language and emotional responses I build my scripts and alter my personality to fit the situation and people I am interacting with.
It’s not only exhausting for me but manipulative and prevents me from connecting with anyone at any level. This is way beyond code switching.
@bflipp @Aspiedan This could almost be one of the most harmful ways of masking. It's exhausting and stressful and also leaves you wondering what, if anything, lies beneath it any more. It's also hard to get out of the habit of doing it, once you've been doing it for long enough.
@Aspiedan In my experience it’s impossible to stop. It has left me completely alone now in middle age which I honestly don’t see a way out of.
I truly don’t have an identity of my own. I simply have a set of well rehearsed masks based on people I observed growing up. In any interaction I absorb the emotions and body language of everyone present and I adapt the persona I feel is the most suitable at the time.
@bflipp @Aspiedan I do this too. Read the room, adjust accordingly. The difference, for me, was that what I'm adjusting was based on myself. I took, sometimes exaggerated, sometimes emphasised, the aspects of myself that others seemed to like and accept. My intellect, humour, or just simply the ability to get on with people that I seem to have. I try not to do this as much now and I do wonder what the real balance of myself looks like. It is something I am still working on. Perhaps, without realising it, you did something similar. Perhaps, what you worked on in the mirror, was shaping yourself as much as anything. Like me, perhaps what you really need, is to find the right balance.
@bflipp @Aspiedan I've been contemplating this myself, and a good Youtube video on this subject came my way: "The Dangers of Missing a Sense of Self": youtube.com/watch?v=hfqEqIgBYO…
Auf YouTube findest du die angesagtesten Videos und Tracks. Außerdem kannst du eigene Inhalte hochladen und mit Freunden oder gleich der ganzen Welt teilen.
@bflipp @Aspiedan This hits close to home. The first diagnosis I got after I hopped into the mental health bingo this time, almost ten years ago now, was a bogus "unspecified identity disorder". But for all the whacky reasoning he had, I guess in the end he was onto something.
I also don't really feel like I have an identity. I have a personality, but not identity. I also didn't really have a chance to observe and practice things growing up with real people, so a lot of my personas were or I guess still are adapted from television and movies. And I can tell ya, real life isn't anything like an US sitcom...
@undefined_variable @bflipp @Aspiedan I found something like an Identity only in recent years. The problem with it is: I don't fit neatly in the social categories offered to me. What's, if you belong to multiple seamingly mutually exclusive categories and have an additional layer on top? And many people don't know such people with such complex identities can exist and can't handle this.
I wouldn’t say I was obsessive, but I certainly lost my sense of self. When I heard the “fake it ‘til you make it” mantra at a professional development thing for teachers, I knew I’d been doing that my whole life.
As an aside, some of the teachers at the school made a video satirising the concept a few months later.
@Aspiedan I used to depersonalise easily when I saw my reflection, but not all the time. But enough to be significant. Logically I'd know it's me, but I'd feel a disconnect. Strangely, it doesn't happen as much recently. I can even make eye contact with my reflection these days without freaking out.
The exception being when I'm at work. If I catch my reflection in a mirror, or on a shiny bolt when I'm working on a bike, I flinch and have to look away. It just freaks me out. That might be the disconnect between masking and seeing who I am.
This kind of thing is a known trait of #schizoid, is it also common among other neurodivergences? I don't remember seeing depersonalisation as autistic/ADHD trait.
@SilverArrows @Aspiedan I don't know how common it is. But, I suspect it's one of those things where it is difficult to tell if it is the autism, or trauma, or something else. We tend to be quite intersectional beasties.
Very well said. I've felt like that for a major part of my life. The first time I noticed that something must be really off and it's not just "me being whiny", was when I opened up to my former wife about how hard just about everything feels for me and that I just feel exhausted. She basically replied with: "I don't believe you, I don't see that."
I felt absolutely devastated but at the same time thought, how good must I be in hiding my problems? This isn't right. It took several more years from that point to find out that I'm autistic.
@vger The disconnect between how we were and how others thought we could be, was a barrier that was terribly isolating. At least until we could begin to believe ourselves.
Once I got the diagnosis, I came out to a colleague and his first response was: "But do you really feel that diagnosis? Because I talked alot with people about autism, and ..."
Luckily our conversation was interrupted at that point.
The first Matrix movie used the phrase "residual self image". I think about that a lot with regard to how my brain processes my sense of self these days.
I don't know if you've had occasion or inclination to read my posts* about the ttrpg vampire clan Malkavian or not (about how I think they were meant to represent neurodivergence), but what you said about the mirror reminded me of it. This is because their clan symbol is a broken mirror. The reason is because the mirror is supposed to represent your self-image. But it's just an image, an illusion, there's nothing behind the mirror. So Malkavian wisdom says that in order to progress in life, you have to break the mirror, i.e. destroy your self image because it is holding you back from realizing and becoming who you really are. A truism I think for everyone, but it seems to be yet another way Malkavians make a good representation of neurodivergence.
I don't know how many in the autistic community have played the ttrpg called Vampire: The Masquerade, but I've had some interesting insights about the game since my self-realization that I'd like to share about it.
In the game, vampires are divided into clans, each with their own vampire powers, weaknesses, culture, outlook, and goals. For example the Brujah clan are known as rebels and strong fighters, while the Ventrue clan are aristocratic, manipulative, and like to be in charge.
One clan is called Malkavian, and the only thing that they all have in common is that they are all insane. It's even in the rules that you have a pick a mental illness that your character suffers from, such as being bipolar, or has multiple personalities. Other than that, they have the greatest diversity of any clan, and can look like anything, act like anything, have any goals, beliefs, etc.
But since learning about autism and neurodivergence, I've come to the belief that Malkavians were never about mental illness, but instead neurodivergence. They don't just suffer from their affliction and that's the sum of them. There's talk about how they are often regarded as seers, prophets, and oracles, that they see the truth of things that others do not. They often have trouble communicating these truths to other people, and often have trouble even understanding the social rules of "normal" vampire society. They sometimes feel as though they live in another reality altogether, but it is one that they all seem to share. Regardless of their near infinite diversity, they mostly seem to just "get" each other, can communicate more easily with each other, and even share ideas on a level not accessible to other vampires (called the "Malkavian Madness Network"). One of their vampire powers even lets them change their appearance, called "Mask of 1000 Faces", so "masking" is something many of them are familiar with. Another power of theirs gives them supernatural insight, such as seeing people's auras or reading their minds. Yet another ability is psychically making others ignore them, as though they were invisible. They often have to hide as a defense mechanism due to the abuse they receive from others for being different. They are often misunderstood, but when they aren't, they can make powerful allies.
There was a time when many people were getting upset because people played the Malkavians as silly, complaining that the players were not treating the subject of mental illness seriously. But like I said, I don't think that they were ever supposed to be about mental illness, but rather neurodiversity. I think that the creators of the game had a good grasp of the subject, but just didn't have the words we use today to classify it. The Malkavians are treated as mentally ill, even though they are just different, and the fact they actually have to have a mental illness according to the rules I think is just a reflection of how many of us suffer from mental illnesses *in addition* to our neurodivergence, not because of it.
All this would explain why I took to that clan the moment I first heard of them, and have been a big fan ever since. In addition to playing them in both tabletop and live games, I've written about them, from stories, to poems, songs, even had a website at one time. They've been a big part of me for a long time now, and now I think I know why. Also I wonder how many other people who have played Malkavians were also neurodivergent in real life.
@murdoc Yes, I have seen your posts. Although I do not play games, there does seem an echo there. The mirrors we hold up to ourselves and try to see ourselves in, so seldom represent the truth. So indeed, we have to break them, before we can even begin to do so.
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Hello diaspora*! I’m AdiposeOverclocked, new to this pod. Looking forward to meeting everyone and finding great conversations here. #newhere #firstpost #hello #community #diaspora
Haven't had McDonald's in a while, but Katy wanted it, so we got some. As a diabetic, my drink options are limited, but I opted for a sugar free cold brew coffee.
I'm shocked at how much I enjoyed it. I think I might actually like it better than the stuff I make at home. I'm kinda mad about it, actually. 🙃
Sometimes there is stuff that you can do in catering sizes, that can never be recreated at home. Or, you might want to find out what beans they are using and how they do it.
@silverwizard @Kevin Davy I get a specific brand of beans from Costco (don't remember the name but recognise the bag when I see it) and fresh grind them. I'm fortunate in that our tap water seems pretty good just on its own for hardness and so forth. The rest is just about the consistency of the measurements. (It was actually at your suggestion a while ago I started using a kitchen scale.)
I don't know that it's the best coffee in the world but given that pre-made cold brew is generally expensive and rather hit-and-miss for me, and this produces what I deem to be a consistently good cup of coffee at a fraction of the price, I've deemed it Good Enough for Me™.
@silverwizard Also, the recipe I adapted mine from said that a pitcher would keep in the fridge for up to two weeks. At first, I had no reason to doubt this because it never lasted me that long anyway.
I've since had to moderate my caffeine intake, and have learned to make less at a time because the quality seems to degrade a bit after about a week.
@Jonathan Lamothe I've made coldbrew based on your video on it, so good full circle!
Yeah, that's shocking. I find coldbrew does better sweet than a lot - was it that it had a solid creamer you're missing out in? I use a squirt of stevia syrup these days (for complex reasons invovling too much stevia)
@silverwizard That could be what it was. I usually drink my coffee black with a little sugar-free syrup. I do change the syrups up from time to time to keep it interesting, though.
@Jonathan Lamothe I think coldbrew doesn't have the same flavour pop as hot coffee (which is why I use coldbrew for "coffee flavoured milkshakes") - and so you might be disguising a lot of complexity and not filling it in.
You know, it’s pretty irresponsible that these documentation platforms are starting to shove AI scribes and note writers down our throats without any mention that malpractice attorneys recommend against using these tools, and some even have started writing into policies that they won’t cover complaints related to use of AI
Yes each provider should be checking their own policy AND ALSO how hard would it be to include one single note about the risks when they implement this stuff
Btw I talked to my malpractice rep on Friday who reminded me that “HIPAA compliant” does not always = secure because HIPAA approved BAAs don’t mention AI tools at all so technically my EHR can do whatever they want with AI data and not be liable, but I am still liable for choosing to use them. So thanks TherapyNotes for never once mentioning this.
I was looking into online therapy, and the HIPAA standard at the time was an app called Bluejeans. I read the terms and conditions and they scraped and sold every bit of data but the actual content of my therapy session, and I couldn't find any clause that would prevent them from simply storing my session until they get the law changed.
HIPAA is like airport security. It's performative.
thank you for saying this. as an expert on the information privacy side of things, we strongly agree and it's been quite distressing to hear anecdotes about medical practitioners uncritically adopting this stuff without any thought to it.
@ireneista Honestly I found out by accident because a company I consult with asked me to look into it for them. Thank god I decided not to use it myself because Therapy Notes is pushing hard for all of us to use it.
@ireneista hi Doc, IT guy here. I don't know if it makes you feel ANY better, but believe me, it's not just your profession. I don't really want to dive into the "but WHY when it's so OBVIOUSLY stupid" rabbit hole right now, but our current crop of oligarchs are positively DROOLING to force everybody into using this garbage no matter how inappropriate it is.
Not to worry, our fearless leaders in Washington and state houses will enact laws granting AI immunity from lawsuits. When their donors say jump, the politicians ask how high.
My GP handed me a piece of paper about their intent to use an AI scribe, about eight months ago. I read the paper, and noted that the concept of consent had not been mentioned. I said, "well, i guess as i haven't a 'NO' option, it'll have to be yes. Do i have a 'NO' option?"
She gave a big theatrical sigh (a 63-year-old woman!), and said yes, i could opt out. I indicated that i would do so. She said, a bit plaintively, "I just wanted to spend more time with my kids."
I said, "Respectfully, you are a doctor. You own your practice. If you want more time, make more time. You set the labour conditions here. And my opposition is twofold: 1) it doesn't work very well, and it makes up wrong information when it can't find an answer. 2) and you're giving away *my* data to train their planet-destroying magic eight-ball. Without compensation to me. You get "free" access to be their unpaid trainers and data providers, and they get my data, and the only person getting nothing is me."
Seeing i wasn't budging, and also a lack of useful rebuttal, she sighed again and got on with my appt.
I didn't mention to her the human job(s) she'd also destroyed in signing this "free" deal. Just a complete trainwreck of a decision. If i could reasonably get a new GP without spending far too long hunting up one who knows trans medicine, i'd be gone. I don't actually trust her judgement. She will probably get to using their "Doctor's Buddy" chatbot, to discuss my case with. I feel that is unfortunately likely, fr.
I don't know what it's realy called, but we all know it exists, to make helpful suggestions based on your private medical data it just ingested, and which she naively believes can be meaningfully anonymised for a small-population identity? Know my birthplace and my exact age, that i'm trans, my city, you can find my identity to match to my medical records (all online now) with your local data broker. I am an immigrant; my birthplace is likely unique here. Do the math.
I need to make a sign in order to tap it: If You Can't Say "No", Then You Can't Say "Yes". Or maybe: If You Can't Dissent, Then You Can't Consent. @oldladyplays
I have a terrible feeling that if I research the history of “consent” as a concept, I’m gonna find that time periods when we as individuals are believed to have meaningful rights around consent are rare and short. /sad
it doesn't work very well, and it makes up wrong information when it can't find an answer
worse than that: it "makes up" an answer all the time. those answers happen to be accidentally correct often enough to fool people into thinking this random diceroll on steroids can actually think, but it doesn't "find an answer". it is incapable of anything resembling a thought process, so it can't "find" an "answer".
@oldladyplays In a time where the trans community is under serious attack, having that info in some random ass chatbot is extremely dangerous. Perhaps mention you too would like not to be kept from your family... cause that is unfortunately a real possible consequence in the political landscape we find ourselves in.
Put enough pressure on clinicians that they can’t keep up without compromising and using AI. Fire the ones who lag behind. When malpractice hits the remaining ones, oops, not our problem, no payout, no premium increase.
Medicine has too many administrators and C levels at the wheel.
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Alda Vigdís, Ozzelot, Hugs4friends ♾🇺🇦 🇵🇸😷, Dr. h.c.* Grober Unfug, Enola Knezevic, i eat beees, Will, sidereal and Zapier like this.
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in reply to Alda Vigdís • •sidereal likes this.
arclight
in reply to Alda Vigdís • • •As a nuclear engineer, I have never been asked to show my portfolio of reactor designs I maintain in my free time, I have never been asked to derive the six-factor formula, the quantization of angular momentum, Brehmsstrahlung, or to whiteboard gas centrifuge isotopic separation, water hammer, hydrogen detonation, or cross-section resonance integrals.
There's something deeply wrong with an industry that presumes you're a fraud unless repeatedly and performatively demonstrated otherwise and treats the hiring process as a demented form of 80s-era fraternity hazing.
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projectmoon
in reply to arclight • • •big difference is that nuclear engineering is regulated and has mandatory ceritications and licenses, which show you have the skills required. While certifications exist in the software world, they're not the same unfortunately...
That being said, take home assignments and all that are terrible metrics in interviews.
arclight
in reply to projectmoon • • •projectmoon
in reply to arclight • • •I don't disagree, really. I went through this at the beginning of 2024. Some companies have insane requirements. I know my skill levels. The places I got hired by didn't have take-home tests. They did have discussions about personal projects, though. And in one I showed off some code I had already written. I think that's far enough, as it gives the interviewer insight into what motivates you and how you approach things. Short of some kind of regulatory framework and nationally-administered software engineering licenses, I don't really see an alternative. Part of finding an employee is making sure they can do what you're hiring them for. Take-home tests or live coding exercises are a stupid way to do it. Discussion of a relevant business problem with maybe light pseudo-code, yes perhaps.
I don't know. I really can't think of a better way...
Verity Allan
in reply to projectmoon • • •Glitzersachen
in reply to Verity Allan • • •@vla22 @projectmoon @arclight
But again --- do we demand "earlier work" to be shown in other professions? A "personal portfolio" is nice for an artist.
But for a lawyer? For an engineer? For a software developer?
Riley S. Faelan
in reply to Glitzersachen • • •@glitzersachen Well, much of trial lawyers' work is usually public, and rumoured about. So, at least some lawyers often do have a sort of 'portfolios'. And until relatively recently, it was commonplace in most legal systems to, as a professional courtesy, arrange that lawyers who, perhaps just beginning out in a corporate lawshop, ended up doing much 'quiet' work, would occasionally also get to do litigation, which is often seen as a more valuable kind of lawyering than, say, writing test cases to a complicated contract exactly because of the visibility. (The 'relatively recently' clause concerns the "paralegal" career track of some legal systems, which nowadays can often do much the "low-grade" lawyers' work, but without litigation privileges, and thus, without the tenure track.)
@vla22 @projectmoon @alda @arclight
Glitzersachen
in reply to Riley S. Faelan • • •@riley @vla22 @projectmoon @arclight
Not all legal work is in trials. I suppose most of it isn't any BTW there are also the confidential parts of a file (client/lawyer consultations and notes) that are not public.
> The 'relatively recently' clause concerns the "paralegal" career
You are arguing US centric 😉
Alda Vigdís
in reply to Glitzersachen • • •Alda Vigdís
in reply to Alda Vigdís • • •Riley S. Faelan
in reply to Alda Vigdís • • •In Germany, it's seems to be kind of routine for lawyers' websites to explicitly say that under the law that regulates lawyers' payment, it's categorically prohibited for a lawyer to offer any free legal advice.
I haven't yet figured out if pro bono is a thing in Germany, or if, maybe, there's some special twist for this in the law.
@glitzersachen @vla22 @projectmoon @arclight
Glitzersachen
in reply to Riley S. Faelan • • •@riley @vla22 @projectmoon @arclight
> prohibited for a lawyer to offer any free legal advice
But, AFAIK the fee is negotiable. There are sites that provide consultation for a fee as low as 50.- EUR.
> if pro bono is a thing in Germany, or if, maybe, there's some special twist for this in the law.
My understanding -- IANAL, though -- that the RDG has specific provision for law students providing pro bono legal advice under supervision of a qualified legal professional.
In court other (local) regulations apply.
Riley S. Faelan
in reply to Glitzersachen • • •@glitzersachen These are generally called 'legal clinics' in English. They're useful, but they can necessarily only deal with relatively routine matters. Classic pro bono involves an already fully licenced, and often, rather experienced, lawyer working on a case that is significant — which often means, in some ways, complicated — without charge.
@alda @vla22 @projectmoon @arclight